How did you make yourself feel better after losing your parent(s)?

yumdrey said:

When I talk about my dad, to my boys or to my DH, I cannot stop crying.
Is it normal for this case?

I don't know how others could deal with this case.
It is really frustrating...
How can I stop crying and can have only happy memory about him?

Click to expand...

I am so sorry for your loss.

You sound very normal to me. I cried every day for 18 months and found it not only frustrating but also humiliating. I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself. It is now 2 years and 4 months since I was orphaned and I've learned that grief is very complicated. There are certain events or times where I will either descend into a downward emotional spiral or float away with fond memories. I think it is normal to want to have only happy memories, just allow yourself time.

Dear Yumdrey,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost both parents within 5 yrs. The sadness is still there especially at holiday time.

I have objects from their home in my home. Each room has a little something of my parents in it, and somehow it makes me feel they are here with me.

Things will get better. In time,you will think of them without crying and grateful they were in your and your family's lives. I have wonderful memories of our times together and that is what gives me solace.

You WILL smile again and be happy. I promise!!!

Mary

I am so sorry for your loss. I am fortunate to still have both of my parents, but know that one day I will have to face the awful inevitable. Love and well wishes.

Sorry for your loss. I can't image how you feel right now.

As many have said, everyone is different. My father passed when I was 7 years old. At the time, I am certain that I didn't understand everything that was going on. I can tell you that every once in a while I still just start crying when certain things happen. I also wonder how my life would be different if he didn't pass then. When my nephew turned 7, I looked at him and wondered how he would be if my brother were to pass that year. Kind of morbid, but it was in my head. My brother was 10, so he mentioned he felt the same when my nephew turned 10 this past year.

The reason I started with, I can't imagine how you feel right now is because I am a lot older now (37) and could not imagine losing my mother, based on the relationship that we have.

I have to believe that you are having trouble dealing with your loss because you had such a great relationship with your father. So your loss is devastating, and your heart and mind need to mourn. Your crying is getting you through that mourning. You will find after time, instead of crying each time, you will smile and be so happy about the memories in your mind. You'll still cry sometimes, but thats love.

Life is a gracious gift and a very precious gift, and not a possession.

Life is a gift from God and to be given back to God.

I have lost both parents and five (5) very special friends in the Vietnam Conflict.

I honored my fallen friends by using the first letter in each of their first names in my Tug name (PEDRO47) and all were born in the year 1947.

A paperback entitle "Good Grief," by Granger E. Westberg help me to understand good grief.

thank you, thank you!!

I really appreciate all your replies and posts here.
It was not easy for me to post reply here, because whenever I read it (any reply post), I cried.
I could feel that I was not the only one who suffer(ed) from loss any parent.
While I checked other TUG postings, I dare could write any reply to this thread.
Don't know why... Just had no courage to reply back... just cried more...
Now I feel much "lighter" that many other tuggers went through the same saddness and could overcome.
I am walking early in the morning like other tugger suggested, and I am crying daily basis with no bothering as suggested here as well.
Getting better and better each day, still sad and depressed, but can feel I am going forward.
Thanks again for your comments and experiences you went through.
I ordered books from Amazon, taking routine execise and taking counseling.
Boy, it surely is hard to lose any part of parent!
Please be nice and kind to your mama or papa!

Yumdrey, I'm so sorry for your loss. I have been reading this thread and have been unable to finish typing a post because I lost my "daddy" last Nov. he had been living with me 8 months out of the year (he was legally blind, so he only lived at his house in Indiana in the summer, with help from a great neighbor) after my mother passed away 5 years ago. I of course, still miss her, but losing my father was horrible. He had a wonderful 84 years and I am truly blessed to have the both of them in my life for so long. (mom was 85). Do you have any siblings that you are close to? I know the only person who truly understands what I am going thru is my brother, but even with that, our grieving is different. My whole world changed on the day he passed. My routine changed, my life changed. We just sold the family home in July, so I just have precious memories some special items that remind me of the both of them. Someone had mentioned the book Adult Orphans, I had said to my brother that we were adult orphans, the morning after he passed, (it was the Thanksgiving holiday, so we were all together)

I wish you the best thru this difficult time.

lee

Some thoughts......

Everyone is different.
Expectations vary.
Some people cry easy (me).
Some people try to be tough.
I lost both parents within 5 weeks of each other.
When my Mom passed we expected it.
When my Dad passed we were in a state of shock. I found him.
This all happened during a not so pleasant weather spell that made going and coming not so good as well as going to the cemetery.

A tough, tough time.


Months after this all happened one day I went to the bank. I met a friend of my parents (who also had been my Girlscout leader) and she offered me her "so sorry" condolences & things just "hit me" and I cried like a baby right there standing on the bank line. At the time I thought that I was handling this sadness ok. Guess what!!!! I was wrong.

Now, it has been a long time and I still miss my parents. I still "talk" to them, especially my Dad.