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Thank-You Notes.

AwayWeGo

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[triennial - points]
Is it OK to send thank-you notes via E-Mail?

Or is it still necessary to get out pen, paper, envelopes, & stamps for snail-mail thank-you notes?

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​
 

Luanne

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I may be old fashioned, but I still think thank you notes should be on "real" paper and sent snail mail.

However, I did send an email thanks to my sister for my birthday present. That's because I received it a couple of days ago and my birthday was in October. :D
 

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Traditional paper and pen go a far way over email in saying a "proper" Thank you. If you have occasion to send a Thank You, then someone when out of there way to do something kind for you. Therefore, a small bit of additional effort over a 30 second email is the most courteous way to reply.

I know "times are a changing" and I am not saying an e-mail Thank You is never appropriate, but should remain the exception, based on the situation, rather than the norm.

People still feel good about opening a lovely piece of stationary with a thoughtfully hand written note on it. Brings a smile to my face every time and is a welcome break from the junk mail and bills that otherwise fill our mailboxes!

I just had twin and I am inundated with Thank Yous to send. I remember sending a very carefully chosen gift to a friend recently and while they still sent a card, it was a mass production "Thanks for for the great gift" preprinted job and I was pretty offended. Neither my name, nor the gift was mentioned, really irked me. I wanted to be stroked a bit, I guess, and at least see my name mentioned. It was really a lovely gift.

Oh, well...I would have preferred an e-mail to that, I will say.
 

JoAnn

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I am NOT Emily Post..or whoever is the guru on these things these days, and I have mixed feelings about email 'thank you' notes...but...ANY thank you note is better than none in my book. Sometimes, I have done both..to the same person. Emailed them that their gift arrived, and, depending on the person...some might really expect a more formal thank you note, I might snail mail them one too....like my Mom! So, I feel you really have to know the person you are thanking to make that decision...and the gift. The more expensive..put the $.39 stamp on a letter and mail it.
 

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Snail mail, not email. But if you really do not have the time to send a proper note, why not pick up the phone and express your thanks? With a toddler running around, I don't always carve out the time (as I should) to send TY notes, but a call to Grandma makes her just as happy!
 

Fern Modena

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Alan,
Maybe this will help you decide what you want to do. These days I attend many affairs that are at people's houses. I've hosted a few as well. When I get handwritten "Thank You" notes, or cards with a few extra words penned on them, it makes me feel good. Somebody took the time to say that they enjoyed themselves. How special is that?

The older I get, the more I try to enrich the lives of others by doing something to make them smile, or make them feel good about themselves. Complimenting a stranger about how much you like their outfit (somebody in a store you are standing in line with, etc.), telling somebody at a potluck how much you enjoy the dish they made, etc. Sending out personal "Thank You" notes is an extension of this. It takes so little time, in the grand scheme of things to make people happy.

An aside...I was talking with a girlfriend the other day who is a recent widow. Did you know that it is Jewish tradition that after the funeral the mortuary not only gives you the guest book (if there was one) and a candle to light when you get home, but also a box of Thank You notes to send out to those who attended? I'm serious.

Fern
 

3kids4me

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Fern Modena said:
Alan,

An aside...I was talking with a girlfriend the other day who is a recent widow. Did you know that it is Jewish tradition that after the funeral the mortuary not only gives you the guest book (if there was one) and a candle to light when you get home, but also a box of Thank You notes to send out to those who attended? I'm serious.

Fern

Fern...you are Jewish...did you not know this before? It's not really to thank people because they attended the funeral, but really to thank people who have gone out of their way to make a shiva call (to visit you during the seven day period of mourning at your home after the funeral) or to thank those who sent flowers, etc. (The candle they give you is a special seven day candle, by the way.)

Sharon
 

wackymother

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You mean non-Jewish funeral parlors DON'T give you those notes? Who knew?
 

Andar

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I think it depends on the funeral home. My mother and my father passed away last year. They had long been divorced and and lived in different states. Both places gave us a box of thank you notes. We didn't receive a candle -but we aren't Jewish. So I think religious customs may be different but a warm thank you note is appreciated by all.
 

folashade

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wackymother said:
You mean non-Jewish funeral parlors DON'T give you those notes? Who knew?

All of the funeral homes we have dealt with have always given thank you cards. I prefer to send a note/card vs sending a thank you via email
 

Noni

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A "thank you" is a thank you, no matter how it is sent, via in person, telephone, snail mail or e-mail. That's my opinion.
 

Timeshare Von

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wackymother said:
You mean non-Jewish funeral parlors DON'T give you those notes? Who knew?

We got the book and thank you cards when my mother died in 1995, but had to pay for both :(
 

Timeshare Von

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As for the original question from Alan . . . handwritten thank you cards are best. Ironically, I just had a business lunch this afternoon and started to send her a "thank you" e-mail and thought "NO Von, you need to write a thank you card" which I did immediately and stamped for tomorrow's mail.
 

Luanne

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Noni said:
A "thank you" is a thank you, no matter how it is sent, via in person, telephone, snail mail or e-mail. That's my opinion.

How do you feel about "second hand" thank yous? :eek: This really used to drive my mother nuts. My aunt (Mom's sister) would say to her "Oh, you're going to see so-and-so, would you tell them thanks for whatever". My mother could never figure out how two sisters, raised by the same mother, could have such different ideas about the "proper" way to send thanks. And yes, my mother is the one who taught me it was proper to send thank you notes. :D
 

Noni

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I have to draw the line. Second hand is not a "thank you". In my opinion.

Merry Christmas. I love this forum.
 

Luanne

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Noni said:
I have to draw the line. Second hand is not a "thank you". In my opinion.

Merry Christmas. I love this forum.

Whew! Thanks for validating Mom's opinion. :clap:
 

Fern Modena

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Sharon,
Give me a break. Sadly, I do know...

Wacky--Can't say about all funeral parlors, but the Catholic one used for my MIL did not.

Fern

3kids4me said:
Fern...you are Jewish...did you not know this before? It's not really to thank people because they attended the funeral, but really to thank people who have gone out of their way to make a shiva call (to visit you during the seven day period of mourning at your home after the funeral) or to thank those who sent flowers, etc. (The candle they give you is a special seven day candle, by the way.)

Sharon
 

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My nephew, who lives about 1 1/2 hrs from me, got married in June. I am still waiting for a thank you note for my $200 wedding gift. At this point I'd accept a thank you torn out of a newspaper. Maybe now I should get an apology and a thank you.:mad:
 

Patri

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In this modern age of computer communication, it is nice to get a piece of personal snail mail, not just the junk and bills.
 

Mel

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A handwritten note of thanks, noting the name of the giver and the specific gift is best. That said, an email is sometimes ok, and often the most some will do.

I would rather receive a sincere not by email (again, noting what I gave and why it might be special), versus a generic "thanks for the gift" card with just a signature. At least a sincere email means the person put some thought into thanking me, it wasn't just a rote response to receiving a gift.
 

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While I enjoy getting a thank you card the same as everyone else, I give a gift because it gives me pleasure. If I don't get a thank you, that's fine with me, I've still had the pleasure of giving the gift. I've never understood the motivation of giving a gift to get acknowledgement or approval back - JMHO.

That being said, I don't alway send a written note if I am in email contact with the person. However, to someone like my mother-in-law, who refuses to have a computer in the house, a written note is alway given, although I may not mail it but deliver it in person when I see her, which is about once a month.

Again, JMHO.

Bev
 

Kay H

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BevL said:
I've never understood the motivation of giving a gift to get acknowledgement or approval back - JMHO.



Again, JMHO.

Bev

I don't give a gift with the motivation to receive a thank you. I just think that when someone takes the time to choose a gift and pays a nice price for it it doesn't hurt the recipient much to extend the courtesy of acknowledging the gift. If the gift is mailed it is the only way the donor knows the gift has been received unless the donor paid insurance. JMHO
 

normab

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Interesting thread

I think getting a handwritten note is nice, but things are changing in our electronic world whether we like it or not.

Any thank you is better than none! So in my book either a phone call (Especially for mailed gifts or dinner), email or snail mail is okay. Just as long as they say thanks!!!!

Norma
 

Luanne

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Just finished all of my handwritten thank you notes and younger dd is finishing hers as well. The only person we decided would NOT get a written note this year is my mom. That's because she's staying with us and will be here until at least March. We all agreed it would be silly to write her a note and to have her write notes to us. :D
 

normab

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this year's thank-you story

I forgot to mention that this year on Christmas day as my 10 year old niece was leaving she told me she didn't want jewelry anymore. (I have been giving her jewelry and money every year.) And her mom, heard it and said, "at least she's honest."

How's that for a thank-you? I just smiled and prayed my son never said anything like that--probably not since I taught him differently. Then I realized that next year I will probably spend considerably less on her since she doesn't want jewelry....I am sure basic teeny-bopper items cost less...
 
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