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Cremation or Burial

spirits

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When my father passed away 8 years ago I was very grateful that he had made arrangements beforehand. He had picked out his casket,and was already arranged to be placed beside my mother who predeceased him by 7 years.
Everything was paid for except the honorarium for the priest and the funeral supper. And flowers of course. I was very grateful that he had decided before hand sparing me making arrangement at a stressful time.

Wanting to spare our children the burden of deciding after the fact, my husband and I prepaid the burial part. (Hopefully we are still married to each other by the time either of us go...we have the memorial already inscribed with our birthdates (;
Last week we made final arrangements for my MIL. I was very glad we had arranged for her while she was still capable. Again all that was left was, as our funeral director put it, the COFF (casket, obituary, flowers and food)

And so while we were at it,:rolleyes:we paid the other 1/2 which is the ceremony part. Later on, we were discussing the costs and it will cost us at least $40000( in today's dollars) to put us into the ground. That is a lot of money and so we decided to ask around.

Of 4 close couples, 3 are definitely being cremated and the other couple is undecided. We of course have chosen burial since that was the method we are comfortable with.

However, it has gotten us thinking....we believe that life is for the living. We have provided a good home and education for our children. They are both fine and established in their lives. Although we plan on living for another 30 years at least, we feel that we need to live our lives fully and the children get whatever is left after we are gone and they pay our COFF with the money they will receive from our estate.

At the time we had heard informally, that the costs of cremation were not that much less than burial. Not wanting to get a sales speech I thought I would go to the wisest counsel I know of. Tuggers.

So here is my question.....how much money do you save if you choose cremation over a burial? Assuming the COFF is kept out of the calculation.
 
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nightnurse613

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Cremation at several local places here run under $1000 for a normal sized person. Cardboard box included. There are online websites where you can get a stone box (engraved) for about $150. A vault in a crematorium cannot be as expensive as a burial plot with the trimmings. While it is POSSIBLE that a cremation might run as much as a casket burial (there are excesses always available)- I am sure a reasonable cost might run as high as $3500 - a burial at least twice as much. I find in distasteful when funeral homes play on the emotional elements of relatives of the deceased but, then again, I bought my timeshares on the resale market. :(
 

DaveNV

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My Mother was cremated, (her choice), her cremains sealed in a favorite ceramic container she cherished, and then buried in a vault on her Grandfather's gravesite. (Local burial codes allow up to four deceased to be buried in the same plot.) It was a tasteful service, made even more special due to the intimacy of the process.

Our out-of-pocket cost for her final expenses was only about $1500. Mom was frugal to the end, and our family feels she would have absolutely approved.

Dave
 

Passepartout

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Cremation is a fraction of burial. It varies by laws. Some places (like where I live) require embalming and a (cardboard) casket. Some do not. In the USA, a burial averaged about $15,000 USD. A cremation can be had for $1,000-$1500. Urn or mausoleum or scattering of ashes at some favorite spot are extra, and as you can imagine can be fairly spendy if the deceased has specified it.

You have been thoughtful to pre-arrange. Your kids will thank you. When a parent passes, it is darn easy for the funeral home to upsell all kinds of services and products. "Oh, Mom would like this $15,000 bronze casket better than the $3,000 wooden one." I have a secret for you. Mom doesn't care.

I have left instructions to write a NSF funds check on my account for the cheapest cremation they can find, cater a darn good wake with BBQ and craft beer, and scatter my ashes in a blue-ribbon trout stream in the mountains.

All TUGgers are invited, but don't put it on your calendars yet. I'll let you know.

Jim
 

puppymommo

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The cost for cremation can be close to the cost of burial depending on what services are involved. A "direct cremation" is less expensive than a cremation that follows embalming. There is no need (in my state, MO) to embalm a body that is to be cremated unless a viewing is desired. If a viewing is desired you must have all the "frills" that go with a burial except for the actual burial: a casket, rental of viewing room, etc. A direct cremation can involve a very simple wooden casket. A group of Trappist monks in Iowa make beautiful wooden caskets that start at $1000. They also sell wooden and ceramic urns for ashes.

Direct cremation can bypass a funeral home all together. The crematory can pick up the body directly from the home or hospital or SNF. Everything the funeral home does is "value-added" (thus cost added). Not to demonize funeral directors by any means. Most do a wonderful and compassionate job.

After cremation, ashes can be buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche in a mausoleum, scattered, or kept on the mantle or in a closet. (Not my personal choice, but I know of cases).

Cremation is my own personal choice. I have informed my family, but I haven't yet made arrangements. Our current plan (if anything should happen in the near future, God forbid) is inurnment (permanent placing of an urn) at our local military ceremony. Very low cost option which is of course, not available to everyone. But if we move from this area when we retire, or if our daughter moves, that might not be practical. My mother died in 1968 and none of her three children even live in the same state. My dad lives about 2 1/2 hours away but no longer drives. I haven't been to my mother's niche (she was cremated) in decades. Very sad. My stepmother chose to be scattered.

This is all a very personal choice, and I agree it is a gift to our survivors to have planned ahead as much as possible.
 
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snickers104

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Just buried my Mother a year ago last month, my mother in law March of this year, and my stepfather May of this year. MIL had everything planned in advance, Mom didnt have anything planned and was about $10,000, Stepfather didnt have anything planned either and was about $13,000. After all of that my plans are to be cremated. And talking it over with the Wife have decided to get everything planned in advance so the kids dont have to make decisions at that time, can be very difficult.

Just dont want to have another year like we have had this last year.
 

Timeshare Von

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Funerals aren't expensive . . . it is the disposition of the remains.

A traditional burial typically includes the gravesite, liner of the site and casket. With the typical burial, most will opt for embalming and if open casket, some restorative services. Most cemeteries will also charge an "opening" fee which I've seen run as high as $1,500.

A traditional cremation (without burial) it is just the cremation.

Recently my BIL had to make arrangements for his beloved wife of 35 years and while they did a cremation, they also had her remains buried in the cemetery next to a deceased child. While they saved on the casket, they also had the added expense of the cremation. I think he estimated they saved a net of around $3,000.

In the USA, there is a FTC regulation called the "Funeral Rule" that requires that a funeral home provide all clients at intake a "General Price List" with the specific details and precise costs for all services proposed. The FTC regularly "mystery shop" funeral homes and they are sometimes out of compliance.

Since the Federal government is closed, I cannot list/quote their info. Having worked for the Nat'l Funeral Directors Assoc, however, I am aware of their consumer resources on the subject. LINK HERE

When going into a funeral home, you should immediately ask to be given the GPL.

As an aside . . .

>>>"Oh, Mom would like this $15,000 bronze casket better than the $3,000 wooden one." I have a secret for you. Mom doesn't care.<<<

Actually, that was my mom's worst fear that her cheap then husband would bury her in a "damn pine box" so she was very clear with me that she wanted at least an 18ga casket. Fortunately, she left rather specific instructions and the funds necessary to meet her wishes.

Her funeral in 1995 was about $9,000. That did not include the gravesite (she went in the double stacked site w/ my father) nor the grave liner (already there from when we buried him) or headmarker (also a double with my dad). We did have to pay for the "opening" services plus everything else that goes into a pretty traditional funeral home services (viewing, service, casket, obits listing and funeral prayer cards).
 

DaveNV

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I mentioned above about my Mom's cremation, and how we believe we served her wishes well. She passed quickly, and didn't pre-plan anything. We had to guess what she would have wanted.

My father and step-mother were much more farsighted. They bought and paid for a burial plan at their preferred cemetery years ahead of time, selected their caskets, and laid out everything well in advance. It wasn't overpriced, and when the time came, it went without a hitch. The funeral home did a great job meeting their wishes, and I'm satisfied they'd have been pleased with how things went. As it happened, they passed eleven months apart, after more than 40 years of marriage, and I take comfort that they were laid to rest as they both wished.

The biggest surprise came after the second funeral, when I received a refund check from the funeral home. They explained the burial policy had earned enough interest to cover the inflated cost of the service, and the difference came to me as the designated heir. They could have kept the money, and I'd never have known the difference. Honest folks who deserved my heartfelt thanks.

Dave
 
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DaveNV

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Patri

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Costs vary with cemetery too. In my town, they no longer allow more than one person per plot, because of the increase in cremations. I understand, because people do not realize the expense of maintaining a cemetery. It is unsung hero work, but everyone wants it to look nice. One plot is $700.
I saw an ad for a different cemetery, but costs are probably about the same. Someone was selling their plot and plan, which included opening and closing grave, for over $4,000.
Even here, the funeral director has to bury an urn. In my home state, and this again may vary by town, my cousins dug the hole and put the urn in during a memorial service this summer. It was very nice.
My church happens to have a memorial garden for cremated remains, so now I think that is where they can dump us, but I would like a flat marker at the cemetery (for easy mowing) with our names and dates, etc. There is still something for closure and generations going forward finding graves of relatives. Even for the town history, as both DH and I have made our mark here.
 

wackymother

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Just wanted to say that the costs can vary wildly even within one area, so even though it seems weird, call around to discuss exactly what you want with your local funeral homes.

My mother died in 2011, no preplanning, and my sister called three different funeral homes in the area.

Two estimated about $10-12,000 for the simplest burial (without plot); the third said it would be about $4,000. We went with the inexpensive funeral home and the director was lovely and everything was very nicely done.
 

Timeshare Von

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Costs vary with cemetery too. In my town, they no longer allow more than one person per plot, because of the increase in cremations. I understand, because people do not realize the expense of maintaining a cemetery. It is unsung hero work, but everyone wants it to look nice. One plot is $700.
I saw an ad for a different cemetery, but costs are probably about the same. Someone was selling their plot and plan, which included opening and closing grave, for over $4,000.
Even here, the funeral director has to bury an urn. In my home state, and this again may vary by town, my cousins dug the hole and put the urn in during a memorial service this summer. It was very nice.
My church happens to have a memorial garden for cremated remains, so now I think that is where they can dump us, but I would like a flat marker at the cemetery (for easy mowing) with our names and dates, etc. There is still something for closure and generations going forward finding graves of relatives. Even for the town history, as both DH and I have made our mark here.

That's interesting. My folks' cemetery plot they're in is deeded, as is the adjacent plot they bought when they purchased theirs (in 1962). The deed to the other plot was transferred into my name by my Mom before her death, so I still own it although I am not going to be taken back to NoVA for burial.

My DH and I are both going to become LifeGem diamonds.
 

rapmarks

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my mother died in January, she had a burial plot already (next to my father), her funeral cost $18,000 (21 people attended) and the gravestone was 800, and flowers were exta.
My aunt died in April, she was cremated, cost 1000, shipped to Chicago, buried across from my parents, 1000 to open the gave she already had, 500 for the church, she already had a gravestone (shared with parents) and it cost 360 to engrave her name and dates on it.
when other aunt dies she will do the same, and her gravestone is already engraved with her name and date of birth next to her husband and it will be 180 to inscribe her date of death on it. it will also cost 180 t raise and clean the tombstone. they wanted 600 to raise and clean my other ant's tombstone.
one additional cost will be to order a triple H vault for 99 from crematorium, the cemetery wants 300 for it. the cremation comes with a urn, not a vault.

one other thing, when my mother died, 9 of us had to fly in, at great cost. when my aunt died, we waited til the family could more conveniently get together. so that is why I think we will go with cremation.
 

bogey21

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I have left instructions to write a NSF funds check on my account for the cheapest cremation they can find, cater a darn good wake with BBQ and craft beer, and scatter my ashes in a blue-ribbon trout stream in the mountains.

My instructions are similar. Cremate (cost already set with funeral home at $725). No Service. Scatter ashes. In addition I have provided $10,000 for my Daughter to pay for a party at a convenient time after my death for friends and relatives to celebrate my life.

George
 

spirits

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WOW. I don't think so

My DH and I are both going to become LifeGem diamonds.
This was in a previous post and I just had to check it out:D As some of you know I spent this summer looking for a diamond ring upgrade and I found a beautiful 1.5 carot diamond ring with matching band for 5 1/2 thousand dollars. I spent a long time looking and educating myself and felt I got a great deal.
Whoop I hollered to my DH in the other room. "I can have you turned into a diamond ring......when you go....and if you don't behave it will be sooner than later!!!!!" Then I found out it would cost me 15 thousand for that diamond. Might have to keep him around a bit longer....especially since our funeral is already paid for ;)
Thanks for the laugh of the the weekend.
 
L

laurac260

Two family members (husband and wife) in our family (I'm being intentionally vague about who, since this is a public forum) decided 15 years apart, to be cremated. Both are in urns and are on a mantel in one of their adult children's homes. The first to pass had made the decision that visiting cemeteries was too sad, and he didn't want the children to have to visit one. His wife chose same.

Recently, a family gathering culminated in a trip to the local cemetery to visit family plots. Several family members are buried there, grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles from both sides of the family. The siblings discussed the possibility of purchasing a plot, and having their mom and dad's ashes buried there, with their family members. The adult children felt they were missing something by not having "somewhere to visit" their parents.

I get why folks want to be cremated, and the children respected their parents wishes. But they are now left with a sense of something missing for them. I actually think it's a nice idea and am wondering about what others here think?
 

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I don't know what to think. When I was growing up, Memorial Day was a time to go with my parents to put flowers on the relative's graves and to meet up with other family members. My DH has never been interested in any of that and so we did not keep that tradition with our children.

As we move around the country, we no longer have one place (or close places) to visit. While I have a sense of family knowing where some of them are buried, I don't go there to visit very often.

I don't want to be kept in someone's closet, however. My brother's sister-in-law's ashes are riding around in her husband's car.

DH wants to be cremated and have his ashes scattered over Dead Horse Point.

I am not sure what I want. Wouldn't mind having my ashes (if I am cremated) scattered under a lovely memorial tree.
 

MRSFUSSY

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To take this one step further..................

Friends of our friends recently retired. Hubby is an avid woodworker keeping busy and loving it. They decided that he would make their caskets, custom and perfect. All went well but Mrs. C. decided she would like to have a window in hers. Didn't mention a curtain!
 

Free2Roam

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My instructions are similar. Cremate (cost already set with funeral home at $725). No Service. Scatter ashes. In addition I have provided $10,000 for my Daughter to pay for a party at a convenient time after my death for friends and relatives to celebrate my life.

George

My oldest Aunt was cremated 20+ years ago and her remains were kept in an urn at her sister’s house with a nice picture of her beside it. Whenever we visited we were instructed to say "Hi" to Aunt Janet. I decided I wanted to be cremated and sent home with my daughter. And I want the "Aunt Janet" treatment from all visitors!

Recently a coworker died and, instead of a funeral, they had a gathering at a local restaurant to celebrate her life. That has now been added to my "after life instructions".

I try to live life to the fullest and when I'm gone I don't want a church full of folks crying over me.
 

kwindham

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Yes, before you ask, I realize this will sound absolutely ridiculous! As much as I would like to be scattered on a hawaiin beach somewhere, I cannot get over the fear that cremation will HURT! Yes I know, cremation is for dead people that don't feel pain, so, therefore I cannot give a rational explanation for this fear, yet it still exists! :(. Very weird, I know!

I have a friend that wants to be cremated. She doesn't care where her ashes are scattered, only that they are scattered when its windy. She says that way when the wind blows her 2 boys will know she is still there in their hearts, & the wind on their skin will serve as reminders to them of her never ending love! I think that's a very thoughtful plan for her kids, I just cannot get over the burning thing!:eek:
 

rapmarks

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kwindham, I understand what you are saying.
My aunt suddenly got very ill, I had to decide whether to put in a feeding tube, I flew out there and she was totally unresponsive, I moved her to hospice, she finally passed away during the night, and the funeral parlor picked her up for cremation. the whole thing really bothered me, but knowing what was happening jut freaked me out.
 

Passepartout

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We were traveling in Thailand some 15 years ago- and encountered a Buddhist funeral procession in a small town. It must have been for a notable person, as the whole town turned out. Hundreds of people marching and celebrating with colored banners and such. We (there were a dozen of us 'foreigners') were invited to join in. It was a joyous event- nothing somber about it. We couldn't get past the procession, so we did. Through the town we went until we got to a well used and purpose prepared concrete crematory. There, out in the open, was a raised dais with wood- some of it great logs- piled up under and around it. All the participants (family and townspeople) in the ceremony had brought offerings of wood and flowers to this place. When the procession got there, the deceased, who had been carried on a litter on the shoulders of the stout pallbearers was placed on the funeral pyre, and the widow and his children took turns lighting the small kindling at the bottom and surrounding the pyre.

A traditional feast was laid out fairly nearby and the community came together for food and music while the flames consumed the departed.

Buddhist funerals, we were told, are like that.

Jim
 

WinniWoman

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I want to be cremated the cheapest way and my ashes thrown by or over Lake Champlain, VT, my favorite place. Does this have to be done "on the sly"- is there some law against it?
 

DaveNV

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I get why folks want to be cremated, and the children respected their parents wishes. But they are now left with a sense of something missing for them. I actually think it's a nice idea and am wondering about what others here think?

Laura, see my reply in #2 above. My Mother asked to be buried with her Grandparents, to whom she was very close. She had a terrifying fear of water, and didn't want her buried casket to be wet. Cremation and burial in a sealed vault was what she wanted, and received. She has a nice marker on the gravesite, adjacent to her Grandparents' markers.

In the case of your cremated relatives, you may want to do something like that.

As for me, I want to be cremated, and half my ashes spread at sea off the Napali Coast of Kauai. The other half I want scattered into the wind beneath Rainbow Bridge at Lake Powell in Utah. Two of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. And in the case of Rainbow Bridge, my ashes will join those of several very dear friends who have already been scattered there. :)

Dave
 
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