Need Prayers and Help DH Very Ill

My DH has been on a ventolater (sp) since Saturday night to help him breath. They are keeping him heavily sedated . Doctors are telling me his lungs are so badly scarred from chemo and that they don't think he will get any better than he is right now. They will continue to treat the pneumonia and monitor his low platelets and white blood cell counts. I asked how long he can stay on the breathing tube and they said 8 to 10 days. I asked about lung transplant and they said probably not due to his age and compromised immune system. I will either have to honor his request to not use machines to prolong his life or they can put in a trach and feeding tube. How and when do you make a decision like this? How do you care for someone in this situation at home?

Prayers please.

Suzanne

I am so sorry. Praying for you and your husband.

Prayers for you both and the rest of the family.

Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

Prayers being sent. No words of advice.

First of all so sorry to hear about this horrible situation and it sounds like there is little hope for recovery for your husband. In answer to your question, why would you not honor his wishes? I am assuming that he made the decision while of sound mind and as such his wishes should be paramont. If the tables were turned, would you not want your wishes to be honored? I went through a similar situation last year with my mother who had expressed similar wishes and given that there was no hope for a meaningful life (only prolonged suffering with the same inevitable outcome) I let nature 'take its course' and she passed away peacefully and not tied up to machines and tubes. It is a difficult decision to make, no matter which path you choose.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Do you have family, friends, or religious support to discuss this with? Sometimes, just speaking the words help to make the decision. If you don't have a support group to lean on, the hospital should have a social worker to help you.

Hugs,
Sue

Suzanne,
That is a HARD decision to make ... but as we all have gotten older, this topic does NOT get any easier or clearer as to what is the PERFECT solution or the RIGHT path.

It really is what path you and your husband decide on ... not others ...

And then "go in peace" .... prayers have been said for you both.

prayers for peace and comfort for you and your husband. I would also seek out either a minister/priest or case worker or counselor at the hospital. Elaine

duplicate....

I am so sorry. Prayers on their way.

Ask at the hospital about hospice, they may have their own program and have someone sent right over to talk with you. They are very experienced with end of life care and can help guide you.

Trust yourself to be strong enough to know the right thing to do for your life partner. You will find your way.

Prayers for you and your husband. Please take care of yourself. Hospice nurses are very helpful at these periods.

Oh Suzanne, so sorry to hear this. What a heart-breaking situation. Yes, you just have to take this day by day. Talk to your DH. Touch him. He will know how much you love him. Get whatever support you can. The answer will become clear at some moment.

Prayers for your husband and you, Suzanne. We've had the conversations but quite honestly, I wonder how anybody can be fully prepared and able to handle the moment when it comes. Peace to you while you work through this very difficult time.

Prayers and strength

So very sorry hope you have friends and family to offer support during this difficult time.

15 years ago my father was terminal with cancer, went into cardiac arrest with only me at his bedside. I had to honor his wishes and let him go even though those were the hardest words I ever said.

You will find the strength in your own time and way to make the best decision for your DH.

Sending you Hugs and Strength.

Back when my mom was in the final stages post stroke, she couldn't eat or swallow. She was on a ventilator. It came to me to convey her wishes. She made a giant effort one morning to be dressed and transferred to a chair. I sat with her and told her what the doc's had said and asked if she wanted to stay with us, or be let go to be with dad. She raised one hand and waived good bye. We made sure she was in no discomfort. I spent a few days there with her, but ultimately, it was her choice. I just made sure her wishes were carried out.

I wish you strength, and peace, and for your husband, comfort.

Jim

Prayers to you! I went through something similar almost 3 years ago with my husband. I kept hoping that he would respond to something, to give me hope that he could recover at least some. But he didn't respond to anything. After a week they said they either needed to put in a feeding tube or take him off life support. I got the idea that was about all the time they could manage without doing this.

I knew what his wishes were, we had talked about it though nothing was in writing. But when do you give up the hope that he might look at you one more time? That's something that was hard for me to get my mind around, and it's so incredibly personal, no one else can tell you when or how to do it.

One of the things the hospital gave me was a pamphlet that said the average life expectancy for someone on a feeding tube was 1 year. That didn't sound very promising. And I would have had to take over all of his care, like trimming his toenails (couldn't figure out how to do that when standing behind him, the angle is wrong), dental care when he couldn't swallow, and so on. He would have needed at least 1 and probably 2 other people to change his position often so he wouldn't get bedsores. The more I thought of all that would need to be done, the more I realized how impossible it was for me to try to take care of him for a week, much less a year. I'm not trying to be crass or shock anyone, I'm just trying to express the thoughts I had when faced with this situation. Dan had significant brain damage from a heart attack so there was no hope of him recovering any function at all -from what you posted the 2 situations are somewhat different, though similar.

That was absolutely the worst day and week in my life, and actually saying the words to remove him from life support felt like I was betraying him, though I knew that he wanted me to let him go, that he didn't want to live if he was in that state. It was so hard to do, even though I knew it was the right thing to do and I was honoring his wishes. But I didn't want to say goodbye and lose him.

You have my prayers and I hope that you will eventually find peace and acceptance with whatever decision you make. That is something that can be very hard, too. My choice was obvious, but it took a while before I accepted it, and much longer to find peace with it. Others find that peace right away, there's no "right" answer that fits everyone.

I am so sorry for you and your husband. Prayers for you both

Suzanne, I pray God's pace for both of you as you face this next step together. My prayers are with you tonight.

I am praying for you and your husband.

Bill

I'm so very sorry. Prayers for you both. - Jacki

(private email sent)

Fern

So sorry to hear about your DH. My heart goes out to you in this very difficult time.

Very sorry to hear about this.

When I was 33 years old, my mother collapsed from a blood clot in her lungs. She had profound brain damage. My sister and I had to decide what to do, and after three days, we had the hospital turn off her ventilator and she died.

I have never regretted that decision for a moment. My mother had been very clear that she didn't want her life prolonged if she had severe brain damage.

We were fortunate to have good support from one of the clergy from my mother's synagogue. (A young woman who sang the prayers -- the Rabbi was out of town.) I agree with the suggestions to get advice from clergy, a social worker, or a hospice nurse.

Suzanne,

It is not easy to honor a request to be the one to decide to let a loved one go.

"to honor"
1.to hold in high respect; esteem.
2.to give privilege to
3.to regard with great respect.
4.to fulfill an obligation or keep an agreement.

I pray that you will both be at peace in the days ahead. I know you will honor him, whatever your decision is.