Need some advice regarding funeral arrangements

Noone has died, yet

I have two 87 year old aunts who try very hard to make settling their estate simple for my sisters and I, their only nieces and only family. they both live in Tucson but want to be buried in illinois, next to their parents and husband. Two of my sisters, my mother, and a few cousins still live in Illinois.

Yesterday they decided instead of having their bodies shipped back, they want to be cremated and have their ashes sent home and buried.

I think the first person to contact is the funeral home in Arizona that would handle the cremation. My aunt wants me to find out what happens on this end.

Would you still need a funeral home in Illinois or would you just contact the cemetary, have a memorial there and a burial for the urn?
Maybe these are naive questions, but i have no experience at all with cremation. Any guidance would be appreciated.
I will call the funeral home in Illinois that has handled several generations of the family, but would like to be armed with a little knowledge.

Rapmarks,

My condolences on your loss.

Illinois Vital Records Code, Section 500.50 Transportation and Disposition of Dead Human Body


How to Transport a Body Across State Lines

Others will probably chime in with additional info.

Richard

Dignity & Simplicity.

rapmarks said:

Any guidance would be appreciated.

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We just picked up the ashes at the funeral parlor. They were packed in a heavy plastic bag inside a standard black plastic container ($40 or so). We bought a nice looking chest-style container from T.J. Maxx or Pier 1 Imports or some such ($24.99) & put the heavy plastic bag inside the ornamental container & proceeded with the service.

The funeral parlor was 100% cooperative.

I would not do business with undertakers who tried to force me or browbeat me into using their high-priced in-house urns & burial containers for ashes. They get paid adequately for handling the necessary procedures & services that nobody else does. No need to pad the bill with extravagant accessories.

By me, overspending does nothing to honor the memory of the deceased.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

rapmarks said:

Noone has died, yet. . .

they both live in Tucson but want to be buried in illinois, next to their parents and husband. . . .they want to be cremated and have their ashes sent home and buried. . .I will call the funeral home in Illinois that has handled several generations of the family, but would like to be armed with a little knowledge.

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This information will be helpful about what to do with cremated remains in Illinois. Hopefully your aunts have already named you as the executor of their estates in their wills.

That is very thoughtful of them to make their wishes known and take care of this.

Last year my uncle died while living in FL. His sister who also lived there decided to have him cremated which caused a huge family feud. He was supposed to be buried next to his parents in NJ. We ended up having the ashes split and half were put in an urn and shipped back home. We had a lovely memorial service in church and he is now buried next to his parents. The ashes can only be shipped via USPS registered mail. UPS, FEDEX, etc will not ship ashes. You also need a form from the funeral parlor stating the person was free from certain diseases. You will also need an urn vault for the burial.

BTW, the airlines only charge about $200 to ship a casket. I was surprised the price was so low. In that case you will need a funeral parlor to handle the burial. With the ashes, you can do it yourself.

Good resources for consumers may be found at: www.nfda.org.

Pat H said:

....decided to have him cremated which caused a huge family feud. He was supposed to be buried next to his parents in NJ. We ended up having the ashes split and half were put in an urn and shipped back home. ....

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Sort of reminds me of the movie Bonneville.

Okay, that was not helpful advice, because I don't have any to give, but it was a good movie and could be good for some comic relief if you need it.

I agree with what the previous posters have said, but will just add that the cost of the urn is usually outrageous at funeral homes. Luckily when my dad passed away, a friend of the family was working at the funeral home -- he suggested we buy one of the large jewellry boxes from Bombay company -- much nicer, in fact, than what was available at the funeral home and about $500 less than their cheapest model (my dad would have been proud -- he was an accountant)

Redrosesix said:

the cost of the urn is usually outrageous at funeral homes.

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Sometimes you don't even need an urn. Both my father-in-law and mother-in-law were cremated, but neither of them expressed any wishes about what they wanted to be done with the ashes.

We kept my father-in-law's ashes in the box they came from the crematory in and thought maybe when my mother-in-law passed away several years
later, something could be done with both their ashes. Now, both sets of ashes sit in cardboard boxes in the garage. My husband and his brother have never thought of anything else to do with them.

They should contact the funeral home where they live now. They can either go in to the business or ask a representative to come to their house to help them with "pre-need" arrangements.

They can sign for all the instructions and even pre pay. The funeral home will then handle everything- even coordination with shipment and the other funeral home. I would suggest you start there and ask for a breakdown of expenses. That way your aunts can decide exactly what services they wish and it will all be handle professionally. The only thing you have to do is calll the funeral home when the need arises.

I am in the process of doing that right now. My husband died last July and his service is this Aug 7. The funeral home shipped via the U.S. mail his remains on Thursday. We loved to travel and I am telling everyone he is on his 'final road trip' and Willie Nelson is singing On the Road again. I had to make something positive out of all the sorrow of the past year. He is going direct to the cemetary. They also sent his burial flag (retired military) and the certificate of cremation. The funeral home can make arrangements with the cemetary. In our case, we did that as it is in a National Cemetary in Washington State. We picked out the day and time last year and are calling it a Celebration of Life. So I am thinking that my husband should be in Wyoming right about now. It was all easily arranged.
Jan

Okay, the two of you that had the cremation in one state and then had the remains shipped, do you hire a second undertaker in the burial state, or just deal with the cemetary? I told my aunt to call the undertaker in Tucson and she will but she wants me to find out everything here first (I think it should be the other way around).

rapmarks said:

Okay, the two of you that had the cremation in one state and then had the remains shipped, do you hire a second undertaker in the burial state, or just deal with the cemetary? I told my aunt to call the undertaker in Tucson and she will but she wants me to find out everything here first (I think it should be the other way around).

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You do not need a funeral parlor on the receiving end. The ashes were sent directly to me and we made all the arrangements with the church and cemetery. The cemetery gave us the names of a couple of suppliers for the urn vaults and we had them deliver the vault to the cemetery. Make sure you have the deed for the cemetery plot.

Unfortunately, I have dealt with this plenty in the last few years. I would say that it would be ok to deal with either the undertaker or the cemetary. However, I would recommend the undertaker. If you are in a town unfamiliar to you, there can be details that they are more familiar with, and it will make it easier on your end. Of course, that will cost you, but I think it will be worth it.

On a side note, when my mom died, I was told that the Catholic church now allowed cremation, but that the remains must be buried in a "worthy vessel". The undertaker (who I knew personally) was amused because I stressed out over what would constitute a "worthy vessel". I ended up buying a box at Things Remembered, and I guess it worked because I haven't been struck by lightning or anything.

Good Luck to you. These things are not easy, that's for sure.

Debbie

Episcopalian Version Of Worthy Vessel.

summervaca said:

I was told that the Catholic church now allowed cremation, but that the remains must be buried in a "worthy vessel".

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The local Episcopal church has no traditional grave yard, but does have a memorial garden in back which is the final resting place for the ashes of many deceased parishioners.

The ashes of the deceased are placed in a biodegradable natural fiber bag, like a little pillow, & are buried in the same plot will all the others that were previously laid to rest there -- ashes to ashes & dust to dust, etc.

Inside the church is a bronze tablet with the names & dates of the departed whose remains are in the memorial garden.

Full Disclosure: I am not Episcopalian -- not that there's anything wrong with that. I am a Recovering Presbyterian -- not that there's anything wrong with that, either. After I assume room temperature, the disposal of my mortal remains will be mox nix to me. Other things being equal, it will be be OK with me for The Chief Of Staff to arrange for my ashes to be placed in the Columbarium at Arlington National Cemetery, with appropriate military ceremonies. Wouldn't that be something for a deceased 1-hitch E-5 army band horn player ?

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

Having dealt with parents who died in one state and were buried in another (no cremation), the process went the other way from what you are suggesting (where you start with a funeral home in Arizona).

My parents had a funeral contract with the cemetary where they were to be buried (a full service contract that included the preparation of the body). When a parent died, we called the cemetary. First they checked to see if they had an associated member (undertaker) where the parent died. If not, we were allowed to pick a local funeral home. They then contacted the local funeral home and negotiated a curtosy preparation of the body (in essence a low price in line with the original contract). In the end, the only thing that we had to pay over and above the contract that my parents had was the cost of shipping the body. The cemetary where my parants had the contract took care of everything.

I am not saying that this is necessarily the way to go, but it is worth checking with a local full service cemetary (the one that you refer to in your original post?), explain the situation, and see what they have to offer.

My husband is in a marble urn and being sent direct to the cemetary. One of the papers the funeral here sent along with him was the"certificate of cremation". If you don't have a plot you will need to get one. My husband is going to a National Cemetary, so they decide on the plot a week before burial.
I am guessing that he is somewhere around Wyoming today and should be going near Boise in the next day or two-past his sister's house and his Dad's home. He is "On the Road Again" and my love goes with him!
Jan

Life Gems

Or you could have them "created" into earrings or some nice piece of jewelry:

http://www.lifegem.com/.

Karen G said:

Sometimes you don't even need an urn. Both my father-in-law and mother-in-law were cremated, but neither of them expressed any wishes about what they wanted to be done with the ashes.

We kept my father-in-law's ashes in the box they came from the crematory in and thought maybe when my mother-in-law passed away several years
later, something could be done with both their ashes. Now, both sets of ashes sit in cardboard boxes in the garage. My husband and his brother have never thought of anything else to do with them.

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My parents' ashes are in my dining room, my father in a wood box(worked in that industry for years, so we thought it was fitting). Mom of course is in a rather fancy jar(too bad Armani doesn't do things like that, she was quite the fashionista).

I have them as my sister deems them too creepy and is worried her cleaning people will somehow knock them open.

Now I've had them both for 5yrs and they are still in one piece and yes I have weekly cleaning done at my house.

They both passed locally, now we had to dig out my 90 yr old MIL's prepaid contract, as she had a massive stroke a week ago.