Surprise Vacation...with the In-Laws??

[travel girl]

So, thought I would let everyone help me speculate on my future vacation....

Last year my in-laws invited us to go to Hawaii for Christmas this year. They said they would purchase the air-fare and reserve 3-1 bedroom condos so everyone in the family could have their own place! We could shop at Costco on the big island to make meals cheaper and play on the beach for Christmas. Of course, this sounds like a wonderful deal.

We have traveled with the in-laws to Disney World in the past and it was a horrible experience. We figured since Hawaii was "Their" spot and they were in control of everything and we were not going to be cramed into hotel rooms (like in DW), it should be fun! Sooooo...we used our Bonus Points from HGVC to reserve a week on Kauai making it a 2-week vacation in Hawaii - WONDERFUL, a week to ourselves to relax before the family stuff.

THEN...my mother in law said she could get the reservations - she was surprised when everything was booked in Hawaii at Christmas (Now, I did warn her about this, but I am just a stupid little girl who doesn't know anything about this Time Share business - her sales person told her she could exchange anywhere any time!! ) So, my MIL decides we need to go somewhere else, so we cancel our Kauai week and lose the $$$ paid to exchange (we now have a week in Mexico in March w/o kids instead ).

We all discussed where we would like to go, but I married into the know it all family who all have to be right, and no one wants what someone else wants!!! I suggested a cruise or all inclusive so we didn't have to fight over meals every night - this was a MAJOR issue in DW when we last traveled with them.

Finally, my in-laws announce that they have picked a place and made reservations. Then...they tell us that they will not reveal any more details until THANKSGIVING!!! So, here I sit, a planner at heart, being told I am going on vacation, but I don't know where. I can't be prepared with escape plans to get away from the in-laws, find a deal on a rental car, or even plan for packing because I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM GOING!!!

Don't get me wrong I am not looking a gift vacation in the mouth, but it would be nice to know where we were going and what my in-laws are and are not paying for. Since they will not give us details of the location, they will also not tell us anything about what our financial responsibility may or may not be. I am assuming that they are paying for the accomodations, but they have not confirmed that...Who knows if we are in a hotel, condo, or trailer park...

I just wanted to share my lack of planning joy with you. Normally I so look forward to a vacation because it means hours of planning and looking at web sites and dreaming of the location etc...

So, where do you think we are going?? Help me think of wonderful places, and eventually I will tell you - after Thanksgiving of course where we are headed!!!

[Jeni]

Hmmm, I think hubby and momma need to have a chat.

[Jestjoan]

Good luck..............

[DeniseM]

Even if it's "free" I wouldn't plan any more vacations with them - it sounds miserable to me!!

[bobcat]

Originally Posted by DeniseM

Even if it's "free" I wouldn't plan any more vacation with them - it sounds miserable to me!!

He who travels alone, travels faster and farther with less problems.

[Rose Pink]

Originally Posted by travel girl

So, where do you think we are going?? Help me think of wonderful places, and eventually I will tell you - after Thanksgiving of course where we are headed!!!

They are all coming to your house. Hope you have enough beds.

[CSB]

Too bad you don't live in Canada - we already had our Thanksgiving. You have me really curious and I want to know where you are going and I don't think I can wait until your Thanksgiving!!!!

I can certainly feel for you and your situation.

A couple of years ago, I planned a timeshare holiday in Quebec. My husband asked if he could invite his mother a couple of weeks before we were set to leave and with some reservations, I said yes. She thought about it and said no. On the morning we were leaving, and the car was packed, she showed up and said that she was coming with us. I was angry because I don't always get along with her and I needed to prepare myself mentally and physically. I made a couple of comments that my in-laws did not like and they drove away angry. ( The comments were requests that she tell me exactly what and when she needs to eat because she has issues regarding food ). Without my knowing, my husband called her on the cell phone and she came back. She came with us and I made the best of it.

This was our worse timeshare vacation for a few reasons besides my MIL but it didn't help!!

Good luck,

[pcgirl54]

At least she includes you,mine didn't. And there are seperate rooms. Many years ago,my MIL offered DH a 2wk surprise Swiss Alps hiking trip in Switzerland with my FIL when I was 2 months pregnant and also had a 2 and 4 yr old. The 2 yr old had a physical handicap at the time and needed lots of care. The vacation date was planned when I would have 3 boys under 5 including a 7 week old baby. Inlaws never thought about what impact that had on me ever. My parents would have never thought of doing that. DH could only see a once in a lifetime opportunity to spend time with his Dad and could not understand the opposite viewpoint. I shed many tears.

I also was given the camera to take family photos of them. Or babysit all the nieces and nephews while the parents took off and partied and I got to sit with the MIL and Grandmother inlaw. What fun for a young woman! They also thought they were the smartest family around.

I pray that when the time comes I will be a better,considerate MIL for all those early years of pain I endured. I have three sons.

[geekette]

WOW, HOLY CRAP!!!

You must love DH very much to put up with all that you have.

In my experience, nothing is ever truly 'free', there is always a cost. You seem to be the family delegate for paying it.

Be wary, but be prepared to plaster a smile on your face at Thanksgiving, and pre-warn your husband that you two may have a very uncomfortable discussion when you get home, since his family likes to decide how you will spend your vacation time.

Their lack of consideration is appalling but I'm sure hubby is too engrained in 'the family way' to really see it that way. It's your job to insist that he look out for you (and the kids, of course) in whatever the scenario is. "Think about what it will be like For Me" is the phrase I'd use.

Sorry, I seem to be prepping you for Worst Case Scenario!

Best of luck and do let us know what the big surprise is. I can't wait that long, either.

ps - RosePink, you cracked me up!

[travel girl]

"They are all coming to your house. Hope you have enough beds. "

YIKES - that happened LAST year for Christmas. We recently purchased a new house that is bigger than the last and I insisted we STAY HOME for the holidays rather than travel to E. WA to be with his parents. Soooooo...something I never thought would happen...they all showed up at my house. It was actually not as bad as I thought it would be, but not great either.

THIS year, my in-laws announced in Summer that they would be in Arizona for Thanksgiving...UGH...FINE WHATEVER I say - they can tell us where we are going over the phone. So, we made plans and invited people to our home for Thanksgiving.

NOW, they showed up last weekend and announced they would be home for Thanksgiving, and who would be coming over. Their youngest son said - mom, you told us you were going to be in Arizona so I made other plans! I chimed in and said the same! HAHAHAHA - they waited until the last minute again, but FINALLY people are starting to tell them that it doesn't work for thier lives - we have kids, plans, lives...they are the retired ones who can vacation at a moments notice, you would think that would make it easier!

Oh well...today...my sister in law announces she has to have her gall bladder out. Supposedly the Dr. wants to do it today, but she scheduled it for Nov. 15th! Makes me laugh - she doesn't want to go on this vacation either! HAHAHAHAHA Now my MIL is freaking out becasue people die from these types of surgeries you know!!! SIGH I am sure she will be fine and all, but OH the DRAMA as my DH says!

[BevL]

This firmly belongs in your husband's court. Frankly, I wouldn't care if I went or not, by the sound of it. And I'd be sitting down with the love of my life, looking him in the eye and telling him, "They're your family. YOU deal with the plans, the drama, everything. When you all get it sorted out, tell me where we're going so I'll know what kind of clothes to pack and what time to be at the airport. Otherwise, count me out."

Never had to do this with a vacation (which should be fun), but we pretty much have a rule in our coming-up-30-year marriage - if there's a conflict with parents, it's a parent-child issue, not an in-law issue.

JMHO.

[topcop400]

Originally Posted by BevL

if there's a conflict with parents, it's a parent-child issue, not an in-law issue.

JMHO.

Here, here.

I'm so fortunate that my husband doesn't cower to his mom.

[ira g]

That is why we never travel or make plans with family. Too much stress. When the family gets together for an occasion in a hotel, we always find a TS nearby. One of the premier reasons to own a TS. Peace and quiet and no in-laws.

[talkamotta]

The boyfriend and I just got back from Hawaii and "I" was the one who invited his parents. They had invited me to Australia/New Zealand for a 2 week cruise and a year earlier for a Alaska cruise, which of course they paid everything. (I thought it was about time that one of thier kids treated them) They have been extremely generous to thier children.
I paid for the condo and car rental and the boyfriend paid for meals, etc. We had a glorious time. I was so nervous and afraid that they wouldnt like this type of vacation. But they were so impressed with timesharing over fancy hotels and suite cruising.

I remember when my x-mil used to expect us to be at all the family reunions, etc. It used to irritate the hell out of me. Then she got remarried and a life. Things changed, I was then included but not expected to attend. When it was my idea, I was more receptive. Now I have lots of fond memories of those vacations. And 15 years after the divorce, it is me and my kids, not the x and his new wife, that are invited to the reunions.

I wonder if you and especially the husband, can have a family meeting and each year or every other year, one of the members pick a place. That way it will be planned and it will be a joint decision. You can say to the mil something like. "I dont think it is right that you have to go through all this trouble all the time, we should have to take turns." If not, your husband needs to know that you and your children are his highest priority.

Just an idea.... Hang in there. Things do change.. Im now the mil and all my family are going to Orlando for Thanksgiving. But my x mil did teach me alot.

Let us know..where you are going.

[LisaH]

I guess I have to count myself lucky. I have a very undertanding, caring, and generous MIL. Of course having her living in China also helps...

[pcgirl54]

LisaH,
You are too funny. It's really hard when one family takes over everything and decisions are made without considering all sides of a situation. DH comes from a family of 13-parents and 11 siblings. I come from a family of 4parents,my brother and I. Very different dynamics. I have been married long enough now to say "no "to very stressful events but it was hard for many many years.

Rose Pink-they all did stay at our house more than once,rans out of beds & towels,no one cleaned up except for 1 sister and her kids. I had about 20 extra inlaws.

Please let us know how this turns out.

[jehb2]

My husband and I have taken a number of our family members on vacation and have had an truly awesome time. Most recently some friends of ours had to back out this summer and I reluctantly took a family member who was able to go. I figure Hawaii always makes people happy. - Not true. We had some awesome units with some awesome views and the places we visited we're simply breathtaking. I found myself being annoyed a lot of the time at my family member's bad and unappreciative behavior.

I should have stuck to my guns. There is another family member who every year invites us to awesome vacation spots - most expenses paid. We always say no because we know we will be miserable.

Lesson: Vacations, even if they are free, are way to valuable to be ruined by others. Save yourself the grief. Just say no.

[JudyH]

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

[jehb2]

What happened...

[Jestjoan]

Inquiring minds want to know.......

China would have been a great place for my M-I-L! LOVE it.

[talkamotta]

Where are you going? You cant leave us all in suspense.

In my previous thread, I mentioned my boyfriend's parents. They have 5 adult children.. One has taken a different path and is not around. The other four have significant others/spouses. They took us on the Aust/NZ cruise, daughter/boyfriend on a Aust. land tour. They are presently on a S American cruise with a daughter/boyfriend (not a very safe place right now) and next year they are taking the son/wife on a Asian cruise. They must have done something very right when raising thier kids because there is no jelousy or "oh they get to do that" kind of thing. They took all of us on an Alaskian cruise and we all got along together (even though the personalities are very different) so I think the parents like to take us separate. It also gives them one on one time with us.

I dont know if I would be able to say the same thing about my children.

We just got back from the Florida/Thankgiving vacation. Got 2 2-bedroom units w/lofts, plenty of room. The son and dil w/4 grandchildren (most important) live in Florida. They have flown back home many times and Im sure it has been a strain on them financially. So I thought this year, we would go to them. Too many people to stay at thier house/thus the condos. I started planning this over a year ago and everyone agreed to it and was excited.

Without going into details, the bottom line is that we all came across the country to spend time with them and they thought thier friends and church meetings were more important than us. They spent 2 1/2 days with us. There arent any plans to visit this summer, because she just found out she is pregnant, so we wont see them until next Christmas. It makes me feel bad that they wouldnt take more advantage of the time we had together. My family is changing, one more is getting married, another one might get transferred to another state, etc. It is going to get harder for everyone to be together.

Everyone had a good time. My oldest granddaughter was a little sad the last night with me. She said she wished she could have spent more time with us. I told her to always be good and try hard in school because opportunities would come up. I would see to it. I think the three girls 8,6, and 4 would have loved going to Universal with thier aunts, uncles, and cousins. I offered to pay but the parents said they were trying to think of ways to have fun without spending any money, so I stayed and spent the day in the pool with the girls while the rest went to Universal.

Even in the very best of families, I think it is hard to pull all the personalities together. We raise our children to be strong and think for themselves and then during a family vacation we want them to conform.

I would be interested how you all plan out family/friends vacations. Or if you have had problems, what are your experiences so we can learn from them.

[falmouth3]

My in-laws like to dictate too. One year they told us that they hadn't decided if we were going to pick up Grandma for a trip to Long Island or if they would. My family lives on LI so we were planning on staying with them, and bringing our dogs. Not to mention that Grandma lived several hours out of our way. I couldn't believe the nerve! Actually I could because they like to make demands. Anyway, this time we just said we didn't have room for Grandma because we had the two large dogs. Since my in-laws were retired, it made more sense for for them to take the extra time for the trip.

So, anyway, where are you heading on vacation?

Sue

[travel girl]

Well, we had our own Thanksgiving at home, but hubby really wanted to go hunting this weekend, and hunting is at the in-laws house. The kids wanted to go and MIL was holding our destination hostage unless we came to them.

So, off we went across the mountains to find out where we were going...I mean visit the family.

After they told us I went to get onto TUG to tell you all, but they only have dial-up!! UGH!!

It took forever to drive home today due to the snow storm. THEN, when we got home to high speed internet - the POWER WAS OUT!!! UGH!!


Ok, enough suspense...

We are going to ......MAUI!!!

We are staying at ResortQuest at Papakea Resort (formerly Aston). The TUG reviews are fine, not stellar, but decent. I need to see if we can get one of the loft 1-bed room places. My MIL got each family a 1-bed room place assuming the kids could share the pull out couch. I hope to get a loft that has 2 twins in the loft - more comfortable for eveyone!

They did rent us a car - was blown away by that.

She wanted to do a luau on Christmas, but said she hadn't been able to find anything with space. In 10 minutes on their SUPER SLOW dial-up I found a place that could accomodate 11 people for a Christmas dinner luau. I already picked up Maui Revealed and started the search for a decent swim suit!

I know we will have fun, but I have to remember to not get too frustrated with them. We are on the west side of the island, but fly into Kahuliui. They are so proud of themselves for flying there since you can stop at Costco on your way to the resort. They forgot to book a decent flight though, and we don't arrive until 7:23 at night - I am sure Costco will be closed before we get there and we will have to make a return trip or I am hoping to convince them Walmart is good enough. Then they booked a murderous flight home. 8:45pm departure with a stop in Kona. We don't get back to Seattle until 5:48AM the next morning...UGH...not fun with kids, but I can't bitch too much. I wouldn't have paid the $5,000 bill for EACH family for flight, car and accomodations...

Anyway - now we all know! Now I can plan - thank goodness!!!

Thanks for waiting for me!!!

[Sir Newf]

Congratulations-great trip! Thanks for sharing the update- I was real curious.

[falmouth3]

Congratulations!

We were just in Maui in Sept and had a wonderful time. Just a warning, the Walmart didn't seem to have a lot of fresh food. Unless, of course, that we missed the grocery area. We picked up some bread, milk, peanut butter and snacks.

Sue