Only child. Adopted at birth in FL. My dad was 20 years older than my mother. He died when I was 28. He had prepared financially for her. Mother re-married about 15 years later. My step-father was also older and financially in good shape. Before he was even sick, while visiting us alone in SC, she asked us if she should take out a long term care policy. My husband, without discussion, told her no; that we would always take care of her. I suspect by asking she had hoped for that answer. Mother was a bit of a "Mommy Dearest" when I was growing up and I admit to still sometimes having that pit in my stomach feeling, resentment, from childhood even though she has acknowledged her behavior and asked for forgiveness. She is an amazing woman who has been far more active, hard-working and helpful to others than I have been in adulthood. 5 years after my step-father passed away, she sold her home and moved in with us in SC, never having lived anywhere but FL. At the same time, my husband retired and I had both of them full time. Mother has had a hard time adjusting to our kind of city life where most of our neighbors have more homes and are only here a few months a year. She has missed having full time neighbors and her old friends (She has outlived all but 2 in FL). Perhaps she might have been happier in assisted living in FL but with her very active lifestyle, loving to garden and cook more than anything, I couldn't see her there nor could I have been there when needed.
And there was that question and promise years before. My husband is wonderful to her, a huge help, and she has done so much for us. She will be 97 in 4 months and is in the kitchen right now preparing our supper. Only quite recently have I had to help her more with dressing, medicine, finances and cooking.
We too dreamed of traveling, perhaps for long lengths of time overseas, when DH retired. We have done some traveling by taking Mother to my cousin and/or a younger friend in FL who like to have her for a couple of weeks at a time. I'm not sure that Mother will be able to stay with either of them in the future, however. Mother has always been afraid to be alone at night so that cuts down on our even going out after dark and our only child, who lives 20 minutes from us with her husband and our granddaughter, rarely calls or visits unless she wants something. She spent so much time with her grandmother growing up and both adored each other. She knows that she will receive the bulk of my mother's inheritance and our's. Yet she has never taken Mother out for even part of a day, much less offered for her to stay with them so we can get away. We have asked her occasionally to spend 1 or 2 nights here with Mother when there was something important and we had to be away. She works near our house, and our granddaughter goes to school nearby, so it's not a huge inconvenience for them. She begrudgingly agreed for perhaps a total of 5 nights over the last 7 years. All to say that we know we can't count on her to do much of anything for us when we need someone and yes, it hurts. Obviously, we spoiled her to the point she thinks we are here for her but not vice versa. We do have long term care policies. Hopefully, we will be financially good until our deaths. But one never knows.
I join the list who say to travel while you are younger; as often as you can. The conundrum for most people is how to do so and also be there for family as well as financially prepared for old age. I don't want to lose my mother. I feel guilty if I even think of the future without her. I hope we will lock the doors and travel. Already, at 71and 70, it will be with reduced mobility and strength to do some of what, and go where, we dreamed of. Gosh, I feel as if I have just had a session with my TUG psychologists!
