Mother's Day dilemma: My mom gave my sister $20,000 for her stem-cell treatment, I want her to de

[MULTIZ321]

Mother's oay dilemma: My mom gave my sister
$20,000 for her stem-cell treatment, I want her to
deduct it from her inheritance.


https://www.marketwatch.com/story/m...m-her-inheritance-2018-08-08?rss=1&siteid=rss.


Richard

 

[geekette]

I can't bring myself to read it.

It is nobody's business how another spends their money (spousal relationship often excepted). For someone to declare an inheritance before the passing of the beneficiary is pretty gross.

For a sibling to declare money spent By Others on health of another sibling as something that should be "deducted from inheritance" is just too disgusting to consider.

I am fortunate to have normal non-greedy siblings and we have always known there is no inheritance. Want money? make your own. And so we all have, not needing someone else to die to fill our bank accounts. We were brought up to believe talking about money was crass, so I would certainly not know if a sib got help paying a med bill, and it would not be any of my business.

I also don't get the idea of "keeping score". Seriously. "You helped Sheila live, so I should have a new car!" wouldn't surprise me but would turn my stomach. Parents help kids all the time. That is between the parents and the kid being helped, not the other sibs. Trying to "be fair" causes needless discord and I hope parents don't even try. Money is just money.

 

[bogey21]

On another thread I described how I addressed this. I gave my kids and ex-wife most of my assets when I retired nineteen years ago at age 65. And going forward whenever I have extra money I use it to help out one of them. It is solely my coice as to who and how much. Importantely they know (1) not to keep score and (2) never to ask me for anything. So far, 19 years and counting and nary a problem...

George

 

[tschwa2]

If it were something like my mother gave my sister a $20,000 wedding dress and I would like that taken out of her inheritance I could maybe see the point but even then it is her money to do whatever she wants and I did nothing to "earn" her money so I should have no say.

 

[pedro47]

Thanks Richard, for sharing this story. I am detailing with this now. I liked and agreed with bogey21, advice. Please have everything in writing.

 

[isisdave]

So geekette, maybe you should read it. It's not as cheap and grabby as the title makes it sound.

The writer is in charge of her mother's care, although at 82 she hasn't needed much. The $20k is about 20% of Mom's saving, and the caretaker sibling thinks that all of it will probably be needed for Mom's care. She expects there to be no inheritance for anyone, and isn't looking for her "own" $20k. She WOULD like the $20k recognized as "advance inheritance" in case there is any. If you've cared for an elder relative, you know there are costs you bear yourself.

The request was phrased like this: "My sister told my mother last month that she needed $20,000 for stem-cell treatments for sickle cell anemia, a medical condition we all were unaware of." This raises my suspicions -- if Mom is 82, daughter is at least 50, and sickle cell anemia is a genetically-inherited illness that's present at birth and usually discovered within months -- so how is everyone unaware of it until now? The writer didn't mention this possibility.

 

[clifffaith]

That's what I said to Cliff "Isn't sickel cell something they test for at birth? Doesn't it run in African American families and haven't they been studying that for decades? How the heck does sis come up with that now??"

 

[RX8]

Reading that article again I suspect the daughter wanted or needed money for other reasons and sadly came up with a false story to have her mom mail a check. I am no expert but $20,000 seems like it would be tens of thousands short of the cost of a stem cell transplant (which requires procedures on two people).

 

[silentg]

Have you talked to your sister?

 

[WinniWoman]

This is also why everyone needs a will, a letter of instruction, named executors and power of attorney, health care directives, etc. And needs to keep open communication with their children regarding these matters.

And- I understand the sibling's point and her feelings, but it is the mother's prerogative what she wants to do with her own money.

 

[riverdees05]

Need to be sure when tax season comes around this is over the amount and will need to be claimed as a gift.

 

[Talent312]

When we sold a second-house to one of my two stepsons, we set the price at the balance of the mortgage remaining, which essentially gifted $30K in equity. We filed a gift-tax return for that amount.

To keep peace in the family (even the score), we are giving other one four annual checks for $7500 each. We also provided for the payments in our wills.

They both seem satisfied with the outcome.

.