I got fired today.

[T_R_Oglodyte]

I've been a machine operator for a local document shredding company. Today my boss called me in and told me I just wasn't cutting it anymore.

 

[Talent312]

Alexa tried to tell me a carpentry joke.
But she just couldn't nail it.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

I guess it's just something about me. Job before this one I ran the meat slicer in a deli. They told me I wasn't cutting it either. This afternoon I saw a help wanted ad for a tree trimmer, and decided I'd best not apply.

 

[Grammarhero]

Sorry to hear that. If it’s a joke, that I got fooled.


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[Passepartout]

Used to work in a mustard plant, but couldn't cut it.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Used to work in a mustard plant, but couldn't cut it.

I heard you also worked the water gun at the Lamb Weston french fry plant there in Twin Falls, but you couldn't cut that either.

 

[Passepartout]

I heard you also worked the water gun at the Lamb Weston french fry plant there in Twin Falls, but you couldn't cut that either.

Yep. I was soaked.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Yep. I was soaked.

After all of that, I bet you were steamed and fried as well.

 

[pedro47]

Sad story, you were fired as a machine operator, sound liked, you were not shredding enough fake jokes paper to cut it IMO.

 

[bbodb1]

Used to work in a mustard plant, but couldn't cut it.

If you can't cut the mustard, can you still lick the jar?

 

[silentg]

We had a friend whose husband worked in a clock factory, he made faces!

 

[WVBaker]

If you can't cut the mustard, can you still lick the jar?

Forget the mustard, relish today and ketchup tomorrow.

 

[RX8]

As luck would have it, I too got fired today but from the keyboard factory. They said I didn’t put in enough shifts.

 

[OldGuy]

Yup, this is what I look forward to.

 

[DaveNV]

I quit my job at the dishonest dog groomer's. It was a clip joint.

Dave

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

My nephew quit his job as a cemetery security guard. He said too many people were dying to get in.

 

[Grammarhero]

I lost my job as a TS salesman. I got tugged out of the resort by the resale market.


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[DaveNV]

I lost my job as a TS salesman. I got tugged out of the resort by the resale market.

I see what you did there.

Dave

 

[Jan M.]

And I thought Dad jokes were bad! My husband really needs to meet some of you, he will fit right in. Maybe some of you will come to the TUG get together in January in Orlando or the Wyndham owners meeting. No date or location for the owners meeting yet. We had a lot of fun hanging out with people, not just at the get together or the meeting but over several days.

I recently told our granddaughter who will be 8 next month that she should tell her father, our son, that his joke was so funny she forgot to laugh. She wasn't quite sure what that meant so I had to explain about dumb Dad jokes. Also had to explain that her father gets it from his father and my dad was like that too.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

My nephew quit his job as a cemetery security guard. He said there too many people were dying to get in.

His wife quit her job at the salon after she saw someone curl up and dye.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

An electrical engineer I worked with one time got fired for violating company policies prohibiting personal relationships with clients. One of the firm's steady clients liked him and kept approaching him with designs that she wanted to complete. One time he underestimated the necessary impedance, and when energy was applied he couldn't "resist her".

 

[Talent312]

Forget the mustard, relish today and ketchup tomorrow.

When the momma tomato and her kid's crossed the highway, she saw a car coming, looked back and yelled, "Ketchup!"

 

[Grammarhero]

When the momma tomato and her kid's crossed the highway, she saw a car coming, looked back and yelled, "Ketchup!"

That was pretty funny


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[Grammarhero]

An electrical engineer I worked with one time got fired for violating company policies prohibiting personal relationships with clients. One of the firm's steady clients liked him and kept approaching him with designs that she wanted to complete. One time he underestimated the necessary impedance, and when energy was applied he couldn't "resist her".

Jokes work better when they are short and snappy.

An electrical engineer got fired for smooching with a client. A female client kept approaching him with designs. One time he underestimated the necessary impedance, and when she applied energy, he couldn't "resist her".


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[Talent312]

Why did the cow cross the road... To get to the udder side.

Why did the man cross the road... He forgot something at the hardware store.
.