I got fired today.

[DaveNV]

What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue?

A nun falling down stairs.

 

[WVBaker]

Why did the man cross the road....

He had his doubts, but after starting across the road, he observed that the distance to the other side didn’t seem quite as large, so he figured he would continue on.

 

[e.bram]

I worked in a cheese factory and got a raise for cutting the cheese!

 

[pedro47]

I got fired twenty years ago from a government job and now everyday is Saturday and Sunday. LOL.
Loved that monthly retirement check.

 

[jehb2]

What does the papa buffalo say every morning to his kid

Bye son (bison)

 

[tjway301]

Sad and hilarious at the same time.

 

[Talent312]

Why did the giraffe and the turtle break up?
... They never saw eye to eye on anything.

For Harry Potter fans:
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
... It depends on what you want to change it into.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

For Harry Potter fans:
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
... It depends on what you want to change it into.

How do Kardashians change a light bulb?

They insert the bulb into the socket, and then wait for the world to revolve around them.

 

[geoand]

Why did chicken cross the road? To prove to possum it can be done.

 

[jme]

Why did chicken cross the road? To prove to possum it can be done.

Which proves, you don't have to be chicken because anything is possumable.

 

[jdent1]

I had a great job at a cemetery. I had a lot of people under me...

 

[SmithOp]

My wife asked me to pick up some lip gloss, I got super glue by mistake, she hasn't spoken to me since.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

 

[DrQ]

Why did chicken cross the road? To prove to possum it can be done.

Or the armadillo in Texas.

 

[bbodb1]

What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue?

A nun falling down stairs.

But there are other answers (and I should say the following contains ...um...language):

 

[DrQ]

But there are other answers (and I should say the following contains ...um...language):

RIP Kathleen Freeman

 

[beejaybeeohio]

I was terminated by Orkin.

 

[beejaybeeohio]

Laid off by The Original Mattress Factory.

 

[beejaybeeohio]

Dressed down by my boss at the Naturist Resort.

 

[DaveNV]

Dressed down by my boss at the Naturist Resort.

I'd red that.

Dave

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Stripped of coverage at the dance club?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Canned at the packing house?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Sacked at the grocery store?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Sent packing by the moving company?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Cut loose by the hangman?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Axed by Paul Bunyan?