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Moving to be near Grandkids

geist1223

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So earlier this year we started making plans to move from Salem Oregon to either Boulder City or Reno Nevada so that we would only be 1 day drive from the Grandkids in Salt Lake City vice the 2 day drive we have now. Also the tax situation was a lot better. Then my son told us that for a variety of reasons he was interviewing for jobs in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Ok adjust. We started looking at homes in NW South Carolina. We would only be a couple hours from the Grandkids. The tax situation is better for retirees in South Carolina vice North Carolina. Using REDFIN we looked at lots of places. Compared to Oregon, Houses are a lot cheaper in SC. We could get a similar House to our Oregon House but with an acre or 2 for about 1/2 what our Oregon House would sell.

Had to adjust again. My son got a lot better offer from a Firm in Chicago. Apparently he was Head Hunted. Besides paying for the move the Firm is helping in the sell of their House in Salt Lake City and the buying of a House in Chicago. The have bought a house in Oak Park. They are moving this week. They are staying in Corporate Housing until they Close the 2nd half of August.

This is my son's and DIL's 4th move in 5 years of marriage. We are staying put. Maybe after they have been in one place for 4 or 5 years we will rethink.
 

rapmarks

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We bought house two blocks away for daughter and grandkids to live. This summer, boys became uninterested in us. Used to see them almost everyday, now they ignore us.
 

Luanne

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First of all, I don't have grandkids. But, when dh and I were planning to retire and thinking of moving, our older dd told us that where we wanted to live was up to us, not to move just to be close to her.
 

VacationForever

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Based on your son's frequent move, I agree to not plan on relocating and retiring around his geographical location. Pick a place that you prefer, including to say put or moving to better weather, lower cost of living, tax friendly state etc.

I have one son and he is staying put in California. My husband and I moved to where we love and seeing him is just a plane hop away. If my husband passes away it will become a decision whether I want to move back to California to be close to him. He wants me to move him with him but his home is too small for the two of us. Ideally, I will then look for a good size home with 2 master bedrooms or one of those "next gen" homes where we get our own space. Better still, if he changes his mind and moves to where I live.
 
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pittle

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We bought house two blocks away for daughter and grandkids to live. This summer, boys became uninterested in us. Used to see them almost everyday, now they ignore us.
That happens - when we first moved to AZ, grandson was 8 and wanted to spend the entire summer with us because we had a pool. (They lived in Kansas City and no pool, plus Mom & Dad both worked, so life was better with the grands.) They moved within 3 blocks of us when he was 11. He visited fairly regularly for a while and then it slowed down. Once he was 16 and had wheels - forget it! He is now 20 and just recently got his own place 25 miles away and popped over to visit one day last week (his parents were not home) and talked to us for about an hour! He was obviously bored at his new place as he has not met any neighbors yet and ASU has not started for the falll. :) We did enjoy it though! :)
 
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silentg

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We bought house two blocks away for daughter and grandkids to live. This summer, boys became uninterested in us. Used to see them almost everyday, now they ignore us.
Sorry that happened . Maybe they are involved in activities,not ignoring you intentionally?
 

aandmrun

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We have been very fortunate to live 20 minutes away from one daughter and an hour and a half from our other daughter. Our daughter that lives closest to us has 2 wonderful girls and our daughter further away has 2 wonderful sons. This has allowed us to have many family celebrations as the kids were growing up. We have also taken our grand kids on many timeshare vacations. However, now their ages are 19, 22, 28, and 30. They have all grown into young adults and we seldom see them now. They are busy with their own lives and we are happy for them. I just told you this because even if you live nearby, as they grow older and more independent the only times we manage to all get together is during major holidays or birthday celebrations. So I would advice you to live where YOU want to live even if it is not that close to the grandchildren. They grow up so fast.
 

rapmarks

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That happens - when we first move to AZ, grandson was 8 and wanted to spend the entire summer with us because we had a pool. (They lived in Kansas City and no pool, plus Mom & Dad both worked, so life was better with the grands.) They moved within 3 blocks of us when he was 11. He visited fairly regularly for a while and then it slowed down. Once he was 16 and had wheels - forget it! He is now 20 and just recently got his own place 25 miles away and popped over to visit one day last week (his parents were not home) and talked to us for about an hour! He was obviously bored at his new place as he has not met any neighbors yet and ASU has not started for the falll. :) We did enjoy it though! :)
They are only 4,7,10
 

easyrider

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I love the PNW and doubt that we would ever move out of the region. I know too many people that moved to be near family only to have their family move.

Our kids all live within 20 minutes of us. Our youngest son bought the property next door last summer. It is nice to have family you like living close by. So I get why people move to be close to family. Especially after retiring.

Bill
 

easyrider

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We bought house two blocks away for daughter and grandkids to live. This summer, boys became uninterested in us. Used to see them almost everyday, now they ignore us.

It isn't you guys. I bet the boys grew up is all.

Bill
 

Glynda

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They are only 4,7,10

Our granddaughter moved on from wanting to hang out with us at around 12 years of age. School work, soccer team, friends, summer jobs and her cell phone took our place. Sigh.
 

Glynda

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....snip....
This is my son's and DIL's 4th move in 5 years of marriage.

Sounds like us. We've had 21 homes in 50 years of marriage. 19 of them were over a period of 35 years.
 

chellej

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Our kids were really upset with us when we moved from Texas to Washington 6 years ago...they were all grown and while we would love to be near them had to move where we wanted to live. Since then, dd lived with us for a while and hopes to be stationed here when she finishes flight school. Our youngest son has been with us about 10 months and I don't see him leaving soon.

Our oldest son just got married and I don't see him staying in Dallas (his wife doesn't like it) but time will tell.

They all know where to find us and all like it here. It will be interesting to see where they all eventually settle.
 

rapmarks

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It is very hard on kids when parents become ill and live across the country. My mother in law was very ill and wanted us to move out by her. We were three years from retirement and we were made out to be awful people because we wouldn't move near her. She refused to move back near us.
 

Luanne

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Our younger dd, who is the one we were sure wouldn't be living with, or close to us, is in fact living with us right now. She finished her Master's program and got a job at Los Alamos National Lab. She applied for jobs all over, but this is the one that came through. She is very happy with the job, is living with us until she finds a place of her own, and may eventually move on to something else in a larger city.
 

geist1223

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Do not move to Illinois. That's where I live --- you will be taxed to death and this state is about to financially implode. I cannot wait to leave.

Do not know your profession. Have you looked at PNW?
 

Passepartout

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We bought a timeshare in Sedona to be close to the PHX based kids/grands. We went there once, and they split up and moved back to Seattle. Oh Well.
 

CO skier

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Let the "kids" be adults.

Live where you want to live.

Visit the "kids" and their "kids" when you want. Or they visit you on some great timeshare vacation!

Chasing "kids" and grandchildren around the country disrupts two family units.
 

spirits

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Boy, I am knocking on wood right now....just reading your stories makes me grateful for what I have. My two grown sons live one block away from us. Just how it turned out I guess. The youngest moved to another city in his mid 20's that was a four hour drive from us. But over the years, as his friends moved on to other things...he was spending more and more time back home where his cousins and brother were. Then about 7 years ago he just picked up and moved back home.

I strongly suggested he move in with his older brother and they are still living together. One owns his own home and the other is living in the basement saving money for a house. Lots of nice houses have come up over the years but he always finds a reason not to buy. I think they both like the living arrangement. Millenials....can't figure them out but hey....they have other priorities in their lives.

I love having them close. I love to cook and bake and I enjoy texting them to come and get some home made soup or some treat I baked. No grandchildren yet...so I don't have that in my life.

If they moved across the country we would be fine. I gave up my career so I could be home with them when they were little. My husband and I have always put our family first....but we never put our children first. We knew the healthy thing for them to do would be to grow up strong and healthy...it was natural for them to go their own way and be independent. Just funny how that worked out that chose to live close to their parents. Must be the home made perogies!!!

Anyway, I enjoyed reading the posts about living close to children. It is nice if it happens but I would not want to move near them unless it was something we wanted to do ourselves. Life is too uncertain for us to uproot our lives based on a desire on OUR part. Now, if they needed us to help look after the grandchildren.....or if one of them were ill and we could help....that's a different story....but I would hope there was at least a strong commitment to stability of place on their part.

Well...the one thing I have been told is that change is constant. Today is within my power...tomorrow is unknown. Just take care you Tuggers and enjoy each day as it comes.
 

WinniWoman

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Everyone says not to move only based on where your kids/grand kids are and in your case since yours move around a lot no way would I make my decision based on them.

We are eventually moving near where our son lives (he is single and has been in NH since starting college in 2006) but we know that if he was to choose to move elsewhere we would not follow. It just so happens that we really like NH (and New England in general) so it should work out for us (hopefully). This all said, we are looking forward to living close to him, even if we still will rarely see him as he works full time and has a weekend job in addition to that- and he his own life as it should be.

PS Oh- and in 2015 we acquired a timeshare in NH so we could visit with our son a bit more after our other week in Vermont, where he visits with us a few days. Another good way to see your kids if they do not live near you. But, again, you have to like the location the timeshare is at because your kids could move. There's always renting.....;)
 
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WinniWoman

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Sounds like us. We've had 21 homes in 50 years of marriage. 19 of them were over a period of 35 years.

I don't know how you did this. Preparing to leave our home after 32 years is killing me emotionally and physically, especially not knowing where we will live in the interim until our new house is built.
 

mdurette

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I used this thread last night as a base for dinner conversation with my 13 YO as I noticed over the past year she doesn't jump at the opportunity to hang with either set of her grandparents anymore (both sets live in the same town as us). I asked her why, so I could pass along to others (ok, the reality is I really wanted to know). She gave plenty of examples - but what it came down to is she awakes with a plan for her day and disrupting it with something different isn't going to work. (even if her plan is nothing grand: finish a book, swing on the swings, start an art project she is thinking about) If something is planned in advance, all is fine. A perfect example: my father called the other day as he decided to go shell fishing that afternoon, did she want to come? The answer was no. He said he planning on going again on Friday, want to come then? The answer was sure.

This reasoning may be unique to my house as both DD and DH strive on structure and have a hard time adjusting on the go.

Parenting lesson learned though, in order to maintain her relationship with them, visits need to be planned and put into the schedule. Spur of the moment won't work anymore.

There is also another reason that I thought of. Grandparents are a great help to parents when kids are small and need care. The bulk of her visits in the past were as a result of this. I needed to go grocery shopping - want to come or go hang with grandma? It was always grandma. Now that she is older, I can just take off for the hour because she can be on her own for that period of time.
 

Glynda

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I don't know how you did this. Preparing to leave our home after 32 years is killing me emotionally and physically, especially not knowing where we will live in the interim until our new house is built.

The majority of the moves were corporate, paid for by the company, with professional movers to do the packing, loading and unloading. They would unpack too but we preferred to do that ourselves. Each led to getting rid of items we could not use in the new house, no longer liked, or didn't use often enough to keep. It allowed us to keep up with disposal of items every few years and to not acquire as much. We developed a pretty good system for directing movers and getting the new house set up quickly ourselves. The hardest move we ever made was next door. Which we had to do ourselves. We rolled the furniture down one driveway on a wheelbarrow and back up the next one! I carried boxes upon boxes across the back yards. That one was tough.
 

bogey21

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I moved into a CCRC at age 65 and told my kids this i where I will live until I die. They have been surprisingly diligent in keeping in touch with me. My Daughter and I swap emails every day and my Son calls me 3 or 4 times a week. Even my ex-wife calls or emails about once a month. All stop by for visits (Daughter with Grand Kids in tow) every 3 or 4 months (Ex about twice a year). Clearly more than I expected or probably deserve. And remember they know I plan to die broke so there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to incent them...

George
 
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