Moving to be near Grandkids

[klpca]

The majority of the moves were corporate, paid for by the company, with professional movers to do the packing, loading and unloading. They would unpack too but we preferred to do that ourselves. Each led to getting rid of items we could not use in the new house, no longer liked, or didn't use often enough to keep. It allowed us to keep up with disposal of items every few years and to not acquire as much. We developed a pretty good system for directing movers and getting the new house set up quickly ourselves. The hardest move we ever made was next door. Which we had to do ourselves. We rolled the furniture down one driveway on a wheelbarrow and back up the next one! I carried boxes upon boxes across the back yards. That one was tough.

My late stepfather used to say that "three moves is as good as a fire" when it came to paring things down. We have stayed in the same house for 32 years and aren't planning on moving anytime soon so I have to purge things every few years or the closets would burst. I am sure that when we do move, I will discover that we still have too much stuff.

I wish that we had grandkids. None so far and it doesn't look promising at this point.

 

[Cornell]

Do not know your profession. Have you looked at PNW?

I am a statistician in the market research field. PNW not my vibe. Ideally, I'd like to be in AZ or Nevada. But I have a daughter I need to get through high school and my elderly mother in Chicago. BTW, Oak Park a nice city!

 

[Snazzylass]

"three moves is as good as a fire" so true!!

 

[Chrisky]

I find it very interesting to read of everyone's reason for moving or not moving to be closer to the kids.
I have to say that from several retirement seminars my DH and I attended before his retirement, everyone of them definitely counselled everyone not to move to be near the kids, exactly for the reason mentioned in this first post.
We used to live close to 2 hours away from our only son and our 2 granddaughters. Always had to make an appointment to visit, as we just couldn't drop in for a quick visit. We have now downsized to a lovely 3 bedroom condo, in a town where we have all the services we need, and within a 10 minute walk to a grocery store, medical services and pharmacy. With this move we are now 1 1/4 hours away from our son. We are very happy where we are, and even though it can be a problem seeing our granddaughters, somehow we manage. What with texting and Facetiming them we can still stay in touch on a regular basis.

 

[clifffaith]

We have no children, so no grandkids. But we are able to watch from a slight distance and with interest as our Italian friends interact with their daughter. Mom left med school in Sicily half way through, deciding to marry a divorced man. Actually he wasn't quite divorced so they had a sham wedding, complete with almond cookie favors, to fool her father. Eventually they had a real wedding and a daughter and moved to the US. DD was sort of pushed (we think) into becoming a Physician's Assistant (a medical degree being out of their reach financially, did not want her taking on debt, and wanted her to have a family life which parents did not think she could have as a doctor). DD graduated with honors from UCLA (don't recall the degree, but lots of calculus, chemistry and statistics), then set about getting two years of work experience in a related field before she could apply to PA school. Three or four years ago she got hired up at Stanford, I believe in some sort of medical research capacity. She is now 29, seems happy up north and has a boyfriend who works at Yahoo. Her parents seem to think she will eventually come back to southern CA for PA school. I think, heck, if she can continue a career at Stanford I'd bet that would pay well. Even if she wants or needs a Masters Degree or above, stay there and get it. Alternatively if a PA is really what she wants to be, I believe Davis has a program.

But if and when grandchildren enter the picture I know her parents will move heaven and earth to find a home near her -- and I think they should. It would kill her mother not to be able to be with the grand babies. As it is, to fill the empty house her mother has been taking in students from China who attend the nearby Catholic high school. Chinese kids didn't like her marvelous Italian cooking, so every day she cooks Chinese for the boys (only boys seem to come to study in the US) and Italian for themselves. We've started to wonder if being a PA is falling by the wayside, and DD just hasn't broken the news to her mother. She's now more than five years out of UCLA, and seems to have a myriad of career paths, but we think it's high time to get into the PA program if she's really going that route. Nice to be able to watch her choices from a distance!

 

[rapmarks]

She has a boyfriend? What happened to the divorced man with whom she had a sham wedding and a real wedding and a daughter?

 

[clifffaith]

She has a boyfriend? What happened to the divorced man with whom she had a sham wedding and a real wedding and a daughter?

It was her mom that couldn't marry her dad until he was divorced.

 

[Sugarcubesea]

A good friend of mine moved to be near her grandkids 3 times and finally gave up...they kept moving for better jobs

 

[geekette]

It is very hard on kids when parents become ill and live across the country. My mother in law was very ill and wanted us to move out by her. We were three years from retirement and we were made out to be awful people because we wouldn't move near her. She refused to move back near us.

You are NOT awful. Shame on those that would attempt to make you feel that way. Replacing 2 careers that close to the end of work is not feasible. She was more free to move than you. You did what you could, and obviously cared.

I have been "near kid" since the 80s, just a couple hours on the interstate. It is obvious to drop everything and go when she has needed me, and my career allowed enough latitude to do it. My brother felt that he had been far away all his adult life and owed it to me and my sister to be the one to see Mom through to whatever her final path will be, that he hadn't been enough help all those years (it's true, but, he had his own business that he couldn't leave for long, neither of us were upset with him as he did what he could). He's a trucker now, home every weekend, to her house. It's working for us.

 

[geekette]

Our younger dd, who is the one we were sure wouldn't be living with, or close to us, is in fact living with us right now. She finished her Master's program and got a job at Los Alamos National Lab. She applied for jobs all over, but this is the one that came through. She is very happy with the job, is living with us until she finds a place of her own, and may eventually move on to something else in a larger city.

I always like hearing "she is very happy with the job". The lab has got to be fascinating.

My brother lived in Los Alamos a long time ago. Beautiful there!!! I wish he would have stayed, I only skied out there once and could have used much much more.

 

[geekette]

The majority of the moves were corporate, paid for by the company, with professional movers to do the packing, loading and unloading. They would unpack too but we preferred to do that ourselves. Each led to getting rid of items we could not use in the new house, no longer liked, or didn't use often enough to keep. It allowed us to keep up with disposal of items every few years and to not acquire as much. We developed a pretty good system for directing movers and getting the new house set up quickly ourselves. The hardest move we ever made was next door. Which we had to do ourselves. We rolled the furniture down one driveway on a wheelbarrow and back up the next one! I carried boxes upon boxes across the back yards. That one was tough.

My mother would very much agree with how much frequent moves keep The Stuff down. Moving her from the house of 30 years was a different matter. I am 20 years here and going nowhere, but, I still purge. I am not super neat so the idea is to not have too much stuff.

I am next week packing up and heading to a flea market to sit around for a day and see what "treasures" I can offload.

 

[geekette]

I moved into a CCRC at age 65 and told my kids this i where I will live until I die. They have been surprisingly diligent in keeping in touch with me. My Daughter and I swap emails every day and my Son calls me 3 or 4 times a week. Even my ex-wife calls or emails about once a month. All stop by for visits (Daughter with Grand Kids in tow) every 3 or 4 months (Ex about twice a year). Clearly more than I expected or probably deserve. And remember they know I plan to die broke so there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to incent them...

George

that's right, it is only your natural magnetism that compels them towards you. Well done.

 

[AnnaS]

I have three kids. Two are married and live 15-20 minutes away. My youngest daughter is getting married end of year but moving two hours away real soon. I definitely wish she was a lot closer/same city/state. It is what it is.

We are so happy the grandchildren are close. We do babysit all 4 of them (3 and 1). I would miss them terribly if they moved/we moved. I know we are not moving and I know my sons are not moving.

If I had one child, different story but only if we knew they were staying put in whatever city/state they lived in.

Having said that, right now the kids are young (5 and under to 4 months). I can hug them, kiss them, play with them, treat them, etc. They are so excited to see us and love us..........and on and on......having said that, they all grow up . They will have their own life. School, activities, jobs, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. etc. Even though we will (hopefully) always be close because of their parents/my kids, I know they day will come when they will be too busy for us. It's a full circle. I have seen it and experienced it with everyone.

As long as hubby and I are healthy, independent, our minds are functioning, no plans to move/follow.

We would also never think of moving away from them in our 70s or so since health issues start knocking on the door

I think for you, for now, staying put is the right choice. Good Luck!

 

[joestein]

Do not move to Illinois. That's where I live --- you will be taxed to death and this state is about to financially implode. I cannot wait to leave.

I understand how you feel. NJ is on its way to implosion as well. I cant wait to leave, but I also have daughters in high school and many positions similar to my current job in other parts of the country pay 30% - 50% less.

Joe

 

[Glynda]

My mother would very much agree with how much frequent moves keep The Stuff down. Moving her from the house of 30 years was a different matter. I am 20 years here and going nowhere, but, I still purge. I am not super neat so the idea is to not have too much stuff.

I am next week packing up and heading to a flea market to sit around for a day and see what "treasures" I can offload.

Wishing you luck with your flea market sales!

 

[Patri]

She's now more than five years out of UCLA, and seems to have a myriad of career paths, but we think it's high time to get into the PA program if she's really going that route. Nice to be able to watch her choices from a distance!

She'll do what's right for her. My sister had a career as a dietician. She went to PA school in her 50s and is loving her new line of work.