My daughter - the AFS student

[Cornell]

Hi Tuggers, I have mentioned this in some other posts, but I have a 16 yo daughter (my only child) that is going to be an AFS student to Switzerland for her junior year in high school. She leaves in 2 weeks! It seems very official now as her Swiss visa just arrived -- the visa process is arduous and it's always in the back of your mind "what if the visa doesn't get approved?" .

She will be living with a host family in a small town ,Laufenburg , on the northern border (on the Rhine River actually). Her high school will be a 50 minute bus ride away. She will take all of her classes in German. And no, she does not know German -- she is cramming Rosetta stone now!

We have a few more logistical things to figure out, but the big things have been checked off the list (her banking, her visa, transportation, etc).

She will be finished with her program in July 2020 so I will not see her for almost a year (Former AFS students or host parents - this is where I could use your reassurance).

The last big challenge -- getting her packed for a 4-season adventure in one duffel bag!

 

[LisaH]

Sounds like an exciting journey ahead. Neither of my kids was interested in studying abroad. Their loss I guess. Install a free calling app such as WhatsApp or FB Messenger on your phones so you can talk to each other.

 

[Cornell]

Sounds like an exciting journey ahead. Neither of my kids was interested in studying abroad. Their loss I guess. Install a free calling app such as WhatsApp or wechat on your phones so you can talk to each other.

We both have iPhones so we'll use iMessage and Face Time I never wanted to study abroad, either when I was younger. She's got a lot more bravery than I ever did.

 

[WVBaker]

A. A. Milne said it best.

If ever there is tomorrow when you're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even when you're apart... you'll always be with her.

 

[moonstone]

When my niece went to take her Masters degree in Belgium she only packed her very favorite clothes for each season. As each season began she visited a charity (2nd hand) shop to add to her wardrobe for very little money. Her theory was that if she had to give or throw anything away to make room in her suitcase for the trip home it wouldn't be a big loss.
Not that this will happen to your DD, but my niece ended up liking it so much over there she stayed an extra year to do research after which she accepted a job in The Netherlands. She is now engaged to a Dutch lad she met at university and they just bought a house together. We don't think she'll be moving back home.


~Diane

 

[Glynda]

Hi Tuggers, I have mentioned this in some other posts, but I have a 16 yo daughter (my only child) that is going to be an AFS student to Switzerland for her junior year in high school. She leaves in 2 weeks! It seems very official now as her Swiss visa just arrived -- the visa process is arduous and it's always in the back of your mind "what if the visa doesn't get approved?" .

She will be living with a host family in a small town ,Laufenburg , on the northern border (on the Rhine River actually). Her high school will be a 50 minute bus ride away. She will take all of her classes in German. And no, she does not know German -- she is cramming Rosetta stone now!

We have a few more logistical things to figure out, but the big things have been checked off the list (her banking, her visa, transportation, etc).

She will be finished with her program in July 2020 so I will not see her for almost a year (Former AFS students or host parents - this is where I could use your reassurance).

The last big challenge -- getting her packed for a 4-season adventure in one duffel bag!

That's fantastic! All classes in German...and she doesn't know it! Wow! She certainly will when she finishes.

A whole school year will be a long time for you to be without her. But what an experience for her.

Our granddaughter was accepted last summer for an arts program in Spoletto, Italy. But it was just for close to a month. She had a great time!

 

[am1]

Pretty easy for most people to fly over to Europe so it does not have to be a year apart.

 

[rapmarks]

What an experience!
My niece did a college semester in Italy. She liked it so much she went back the day she graduated, and has lived there ever since.

 

[geist1223]

My oldest son did a six week trip to Germany between his Junior and Senior year of High School. About 2 weeks were tourist stuff and 4 weeks of living with a German Family. He had learned German while living in Germany for 2 years of German Kindergarten and 1st Grade. Then he studied German in High School. He extended his stay by 2 weeks and worked on his Uncle's (my brother) Pig Farm in Denmark. He loved the experience. He studied for 1 term in France while in college. Following the term of study he traveled around Europe staying in youth hostels. My younger son/middle child was born in Germany. He spent 8 weeks in middle school living with a family in Japan. He ended up studying Asian History in College. His travels in Europe, Africa, and the Middle East were done while in the Navy and on Leave. He also spent sometime in Boliva and had a great time. Even though Boliva had cut off almost all contact with the US Government and USA NGO's.

Because of their travels the boys have a good world view and understanding of different people. My youngest and only daughter never showed any interest. Though she also was born in Germany.

Best wishes for your daughter and her exciting travels ahead.

 

[Glynda]

My oldest son did a six week trip to Germany between his Junior and Senior year of High School. About 2 weeks were tourist stuff and 4 weeks of living with a German Family. He had learned German while living in Germany for 2 years of German Kindergarten and 1st Grade. Then he studied German in High School. He extended his stay by 2 weeks and worked on his Uncle's (my brother) Pig Farm in Denmark. He loved the experience. He studied for 1 term in France while in college. Following the term of study he traveled around Europe staying in youth hostels. My younger son/middle child was born in Germany. He spent 8 weeks in middle school living with a family in Japan. He ended up studying Asian History in College. His travels in Europe, Africa, and the Middle East were done while in the Navy and on Leave. He also spent sometime in Boliva and had a great time. Even though Boliva had cut off almost all contact with the US Government and USA NGO's.

Because of their travels the boys have a good world view and understanding of different people. My youngest and only daughter never showed any interest. Though she also was born in Germany.

Best wishes for your daughter and her exciting travels ahead.

What a great start your kids got towards exploring the world. It had to build confidence as well as offer a first hand view as to diversities in the world.

 

[pedro47]

Stop worrying see will be fine. You have your IPhone and you have FaceTime on your IPad & IPHONE you can see and talk to her daily. Just remember they are in a difference Time Zone.

 

[pedro47]

It is now Saturday and the time is 12:46AM in Switzerland.
It is 6:47 PM in Virginia Eastern Daylight Time.

 

[Cornell]

Pretty easy for most people to fly over to Europe so it does not have to be a year apart.

The AFS program doesn't allow parents to visit during the stay, unfortunately.

 

[Cornell]

Stop worrying see will be fine. You have your IPhone and you have FaceTime on your IPad & IPHONE you can see and talk to her daily. Just remember they are in a difference Time Zone.

Not worrying - I just know I will miss her. Being apart from a 16 year old for a year is a long time.

 

[Patri]

The AFS program doesn't allow parents to visit during the stay, unfortunately.

That seems wrong. If anything was not right in the setup of the program, you would never know. At least these days there is instant communication around the world. I read years ago of a teen living as an exchange student (can't remember if in U.S. or Europe). His host family was cruel and would barely feed him. He snuck into the kitchen at night to eat tuna. He was literally starving to death and didn't know the resources to get help.

 

[pedro47]

The OP & their daughter has an IPHONE and they can FACETIME and Text their daughter and can see their daughter via instant communication.

The only drawback is the difference in time. It is 3:36 PM Saturday in Switzerland.

 

[Cornell]

That seems wrong. If anything was not right in the setup of the program, you would never know. At least these days there is instant communication around the world. I read years ago of a teen living as an exchange student (can't remember if in U.S. or Europe). His host family was cruel and would barely feed him. He snuck into the kitchen at night to eat tuna. He was literally starving to death and didn't know the resources to get help.

Of course I would know. She has a phone, email. And she meets regularly with an AFS local rep in Switzerland.

It's not "wrong" -- AFS has been doing this program for decades. They have learned from experience that parents popping in for visits exacerbates homesickness and sets the child back. It's the same reason why summer camp don't like parents visiting there either.

 

[Luanne]

Of course I would know. She has a phone, email. And she meets regularly with an AFS local rep in Switzerland.

It's not "wrong" -- AFS has been doing this program for decades. They have learned from experience that parents popping in for visits exacerbates homesickness and sets the child back. It's the same reason why summer camp don't like parents visiting there either.

We had AFS students at my high school in California all of the years I was there. I don't ever remember a parent visiting during that time.

 

[Cornell]

We had AFS students at my high school in California all of the years I was there. I don't ever remember a parent visiting during that time.

Of course, thank you!

 

[Passepartout]

My DW's baby (now 45) did an AFS near Bern way back when. He didn't know danke and bitte. His host family spoke Hauptdeutsche (high German) at home, and when Wil came home he was fluent in German and (host mom's) Slavenish. So much so that when he went to UC Berkeley, his major was Comparative Literature- and in German. To say he grew up is understatement. Now, he manages a group of software engineers (yet another language) and handles the IT work for Burning Man (I said he was a free spirit) between Iron Man decathlons.

Your daughter will become (even more) someone you can be extremely proud of. Self assured and accomplished.

Jim

 

[Cornell]

My DW's baby (now 45) did an AFS near Bern way back when. He didn't know danke and bitte. His host family spoke Hauptdeutsche (high German) at home, and when Wil came home he was fluent in German and (host mom's) Slavenish. So much so that when he went to UC Berkeley, his major was Comparative Literature- and in German. To say he grew up is understatement. Now, he manages a group of software engineers (yet another language) and handles the IT work for Burning Man (I said he was a free spirit) between Iron Man decathlons.

Your daughter will become (even more) someone you can be extremely proud of. Self assured and accomplished.

Jim

Awe! thank you for this. Warms my heart. And makes me feel good about this decision.

We have gone through several orientation sessions for both the kids and the parents. AFS said that if we plan on meeting our child in their host country at the end (which I plan to do ) for some traveling, we will be astounded by seeing our child in that environment. They will appear to be a native in regards to their language skills, confidence, knowledge of the customs, etc. I can't wait!

She also gets a "re-acclimation" orientation at the end , as I gather returning home can be challenging home in many ways.

 

[vacationhopeful]

I hosted multiple French teenage girls during 3 week stays in my home for multiple summers. I have to work during the summers ... the teenages got to visit Home Depot, Lowes, Eviction Court and eat lunch at all the local fast food joints .. isn't that what all US teenages do during their summers?

Best story. An eviction court appearance where I was granted possession of the apartment. I have 2 exchange students with me ... sitting in the courtroom. I was at the planiff's table in front of the judge. The NJ Superior Court judge granted me possession and these 2 French girls got up and cheered from the gallery. My tenant YELLED at me "You told me they didn't speak English!" The Judge was banging his gravel. And I said "They learned English quickly". The French girls and I were told to stay until the other court hearings finished. I then explained to the Judge, my French students had watch too many American TV show in France and asked forgiveness.

But the outcome was very different than what I and the other court staff expected. Seems the Judge now was having a good day ... he asked my 2 French teenages where in France they live and to chat a bit. Then he went on the state he had landed on the beach during the Normany Invasion of June 6, 1944. And asking them questions about their towns. I was thrilled I was not in trouble, the judge was VERY HAPPY talking about his WWII youth and his staff learned their judge was an infantry grunt coming thru the surf on D-Day beach.

And I am sure NONE of us had any expection as to how our day in court would evolve.

 

[Patri]

As I said, with technology these days, there is instant communication. I imagine it was harder for parents to send off kids even twenty years ago, with no social media and cell phones to cut the distance.
I just know people like to visit relatives in other countries, whether they go there for school or work. It's an excuse for a vacation. So it surprised me that if you chose to go to Switzerland you would not be allowed to see her. I'm sure many parents do go at the end of the term.
I spent my sophomore year in college in Europe. Letters were our only contact with family. I think my folks made one phone call at Christmas (international rates!). I did not get homesick until the last few weeks. Then I was ready to come back (after I squeezed in my last travels).
It was just the phrase "doesn't allow" that got me, that they dictate other adults' behavior.

 

[Cornell]

I hosted multiple French teenage girls during 3 week stays in my home for multiple summers. I have to work during the summers ... the teenages got to visit Home Depot, Lowes, Eviction Court and eat lunch at all the local fast food joints .. isn't that what all US teenages do during their summers?

Best story. An eviction court appearance where I was granted possession of the apartment. I have 2 exchange students with me ... sitting in the courtroom. I was at the planiff's table in front of the judge. The NJ Superior Court judge granted me possession and these 2 French girls got up and cheered from the gallery. My tenant YELLED at me "You told me they didn't speak English!" The Judge was banging his gravel. And I said "They learned English quickly". The French girls and I were told to stay until the other court hearings finished. I then explained to the Judge, my French students had watch too many American TV show in France and asked forgiveness.

But the outcome was very different than what I and the other court staff expected. Seems the Judge now was having a good day ... he asked my 2 French teenages where in France they live and to chat a bit. Then he went on the state he had landed on the beach during the Normany Invasion of June 6, 1944. And asking them questions about their towns. I was thrilled I was not in trouble, the judge was VERY HAPPY talking about his WWII youth and his staff learned their judge was an infantry grunt coming thru the surf on D-Day beach.

And I am sure NONE of us had any expection as to how our day in court would evolve.

This is amazing on so many levels. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Cornell]

As I said, with technology these days, there is instant communication. I imagine it was harder for parents to send off kids even twenty years ago, with no social media and cell phones to cut the distance.
I just know people like to visit relatives in other countries, whether they go there for school or work. It's an excuse for a vacation. So it surprised me that if you chose to go to Switzerland you would not be allowed to see her. I'm sure many parents do go at the end of the term.
I spent my sophomore year in college in Europe. Letters were our only contact with family. I think my folks made one phone call at Christmas (international rates!). I did not get homesick until the last few weeks. Then I was ready to come back (after I squeezed in my last travels).
It was just the phrase "doesn't allow" that got me, that they dictate other adults' behavior.

I am sure if I demanded to see my daughter, I could. I'm not giving up parental rights! However, I'm taking AFS's lead on this -- they have been doing this for many, many years and if they strongly discourage visits. I'm taking their lead. I'm paying them a lot of $$ to manage this experience so I consider them the experts.