Sometimes it is the little things that "irk" me.

[b2bailey]

After writing subject line, was thinking that the word "irk" is a strange one... But I digress.

This morning my dear brother in law passed away after a 6 year battle with multiple myeloma.

My gripe is about people who would post tribute remarks to HIS Facebook page BEFORE the family makes the announcement. Seems there needs to be a social media protocol or something. This same thing happened earlier this year when my step-mother passed. My thinking is... Give the family time to compose an announcement before writing about "the Finish Line" -- (he had been a marathon runner).

 

[wackymother]

I understand. Sometimes people can be very insensitive.

I'm sorry for your loss. Sending healing thoughts to you and your family.

 

[WinniWoman]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[rhonda]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[PamMo]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Some people may post on social media just to be the first to break the news (major IRK!), but others might be expressing true pain and grief in losing a friend/loved one. They might even hope/believe their words are consoling to others. For some, sharing every thought and feeling online is the norm these days. There isn't a lot of holding back.

 

[DaveNV]

Sorry for your loss. It's very hard losing loved ones.

I fully understand how you feel. My older brother was diagnosed with metastatic Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer about three weeks ago. It is untreatable, and he is not a chemo candidate. It came as a complete surprise to him, and has turned our family upside down. His one remaining kidney has failed, and he is on dialysis. We know he's not long for the world, and we want him to have as easy a transition as possible. But his no-class friends are already posting about him on his own FB page in the past tense. They're talking about who will get which of his possessions and such. Very unsettling to read.

Dave

 

[Patri]

After my husband's stroke, I disabled his Facebook account. Somehow I found the password, because he was unable to tell me. I decided if he goes first, I don't want people posting there. I am sorry for your loss as well. A friend's mom just died, and she put the obituary on FB. The thread of replies is very long, and I gave a short comment. But I also sent her a sympathy card. I don't think a public comment means as much. You can't say a lot without crossing some privacy lines, when you want to be personal but not have the whole world read it.

 

[geist1223]

I am sorry for your loss. I apologize for the unthinking jerks. Another reason not to be on social media.

 

[easyrider]

I never know what to say or do when our relatives and friends pass so I usually do nothing. Many of my friends and relatives have done things that didn't seem their usual self when some one passes on. It is often just their way of dealing with grief by offering a tribute, crying, drinking, laughing or what ever.

I know it can be "irksome". I'm going to use your word for a while and see how it goes. It is alot better than what I regularly use.

Sorry about your brother in law.

Bill

 

[Panina]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Anne&Jim]

After writing subject line, was thinking that the word "irk" is a strange one... But I digress.

This morning my dear brother in law passed away after a 6 year battle with multiple myeloma.

My gripe is about people who would post tribute remarks to HIS Facebook page BEFORE the family makes the announcement. Seems there needs to be a social media protocol or something. This same thing happened earlier this year when my step-mother passed. My thinking is... Give the family time to compose an announcement before writing about "the Finish Line" -- (he had been a marathon runner).

I’m also very sorry for your loss, and your “irk”. My siblings and I all found out our father had cancer when his dipshit wife posted on FB, “Yep, it’s cancer!” But then she treated his illness, until the day he died, like it was some opportunity for her to shine in the public spotlight. What can I say? Some people suck. But there are many, many more of the “good” ones who truly care about others and empathize with their suffering. I’m glad you have some of those here on TUG.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[jackio]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[klpca]

After writing subject line, was thinking that the word "irk" is a strange one... But I digress.

This morning my dear brother in law passed away after a 6 year battle with multiple myeloma.

My gripe is about people who would post tribute remarks to HIS Facebook page BEFORE the family makes the announcement. Seems there needs to be a social media protocol or something. This same thing happened earlier this year when my step-mother passed. My thinking is... Give the family time to compose an announcement before writing about "the Finish Line" -- (he had been a marathon runner).

I am so sorry to hear of your brother in laws passing. Life's changes just takes your breath away sometime.

And I swear, the lack of manners that I see on social media is so disappointing. I have seen a social media acquaintance "break the news" of someone's death. Seriously? I taught my kids that when in doubt, ask yourself "is this my news to share?" If the answer is *no* then keep your lips zipped! Social media is still in the wild west stage. Too bad we don't have more guidelines about how to deal with things like this.

My husband posted exactly zero during his health issues - most of our more distant friends (i.e. social media friends) had no idea. On the other hand, a friend's husband is going through chemo/radiation and she posts something every day, and some of the posts are pretty graphic. To each his own, I suppose. My husband would have been uncomfortable if I had posted that much during his treatment.

 

[heathpack]

Aw sorry to hear about your BIL.

 

[dioxide45]

Sorry to hear about this. I completely understand the situation with social media. My wife has a friend where there was a huge falling out when one of their spouses passed away and a friend posted about how he was like a father to her and then proceeded to also tag the deceased Facebook page in the post. Unfortunate, since the persons spouse hadn't yet made other family aware and this was the first that many heard about his passing. From someone that many of them never even knew, and through Facebook. Lets just say they no longer speak to that person. Unfortunately I think it is a sign of the times and it will get harder and harder to control the message.

 

[clifffaith]

So sorry to learn of the loss of your brother in law.

On the flip side of the social media issue, during the two years after my brother took his own life several of his friends only found out he had died because of the tributes others had posted. He died in November 2014 and the following July on his birthday a friend who had gone to college in Santa Barbara with him and was remembering him on his birthday was stunned to find out he died. We were not on FB six years ago, but I checked his account on the anniversary of his death and found several nice remembrances, as well as the July post from the college friend. I reached out (I did not know her or know of her) and now once a year on one of our Pismo/Solvang trips we meet for dinner with our husbands in tow.

 

[Glynda]

That has to be so hard on those of you who are going through, or have been through, this sort of insensitivity. I’m sorry for your losses.

 

[Big Matt]

The problem with social media is that they have no clue that someone passes away. I continue to get recommendations to link in to my dad. He's been dead for over 17 years. Same thing with Facebook. Lots of dead folks out there with active accounts. With Facebook, deaths are probably a good thing since it draws people to the deceased person's page. Lots of advertising opportunities. Just know that these sites are all about making money and they don't care if they give you a virus or that an add takes you somewhere that you don't want to be taken. Very sleazy to me.

 

[clifffaith]

The problem with social media is that they have no clue that someone passes away. I continue to get recommendations to link in to my dad. He's been dead for over 17 years. Same thing with Facebook. Lots of dead folks out there with active accounts. With Facebook, deaths are probably a good thing since it draws people to the deceased person's page. Lots of advertising opportunities. Just know that these sites are all about making money and they don't care if they give you a virus or that an add takes you somewhere that you don't want to be taken. Very sleazy to me.

I'd have to check again to make sure it stayed gone, but when I checked my brother's account a year or more ago, I could not find it.

 

[rhonda]

Sorry for your loss. It's very hard losing loved ones.

I fully understand how you feel. My older brother was diagnosed with metastatic Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer about three weeks ago. It is untreatable, and he is not a chemo candidate. It came as a complete surprise to him, and has turned our family upside down. His one remaining kidney has failed, and he is on dialysis. We know he's not long for the world, and we want him to have as easy a transition as possible. But his no-class friends are already posting about him on his own FB page in the past tense. They're talking about who will get which of his possessions and such. Very unsettling to read.

Dave

Dave, so sorry to read this. 'Untreatable' is a word used by Western Medicine. He might want to seek Eastern Medicine and alternative therapies?

 

[DaveNV]

Dave, so sorry to read this. 'Untreatable' is a word used by Western Medicine. He might want to seek Eastern Medicine and alternative therapies?

Thanks. I think if it had been diagnosed sooner, he may have had a chance. In this case, I don’t know what other medicines could/would do, but he has no desire to fight. The reason he’s considered untreatable is because he has tumors throughout his system, including all through his stomach and liver, and his only kidney is cancerous. It essentially has died. The kidney doctor says without dialysis he has about two weeks to live, at the most. My brother will be traveling across country to see his son this weekend, they will say their final goodbyes, and then my brother will fly home, and stop dialysis. He is ready to go. I wish him a speedy and painless passing.

Dave

 

[rapmarks]

Sorry for your loss and Dave, yours too.
People can be insensitive. When my husband’s mother died, her second husband’s son Called all my husband’s relatives before he called my husband. Then he wrote the obituary which contained so much incorrect information it was a travesty, including listing himself as her son and his daughter who found him as an adult (he refused to marry her mother) as her granddaughter and not mentioning her own two grandkids. This from a guy that was an adult when she married his father and who visited them once a year tops.

 

[PamMo]

From a very different perspective, I thought I'd been given a short death sentence a couple of months ago. The last thing I wanted was for family and friends to fuss/fight/stress over me. I was keenly sensitive that time was too precious to waste. People do funny things. I saw first hand that everyone has their own way to deal with pain and loss. I really believe forgiveness is better than festering anger.

Dave, I watched my brother die, and it was humbling. He was the only one who was tired of fighting his cancer. He was at peace, and we had to respect that it was his decision. Twenty years on, I still miss him.

 

[easyrider]

Thanks. I think if it had been diagnosed sooner, he may have had a chance. In this case, I don’t know what other medicines could/would do, but he has no desire to fight. The reason he’s considered untreatable is because he has tumors throughout his system, including all through his stomach and liver, and his only kidney is cancerous. It essentially has died. The kidney doctor says without dialysis he has about two weeks to live, at the most. My brother will be traveling across country to see his son this weekend, they will say their final goodbyes, and then my brother will fly home, and stop dialysis. He is ready to go. I wish him a speedy and painless passing.

Dave

That is a bummer Dave. We went through this with my brother. He had a sarcoma that ended up killing him. It was a real bummer.

I like how your brother is saying good bye. My cousin went on a goodbye tour before she passed. I have good memories of her sitting on our deck under the stars having a glass of wine about a month before she left.

Bill

 

[b2bailey]

Sorry to hear about this. I completely understand the situation with social media. My wife has a friend where there was a huge falling out when one of their spouses passed away and a friend posted about how he was like a father to her and then proceeded to also tag the deceased Facebook page in the post. Unfortunate, since the persons spouse hadn't yet made other family aware and this was the first that many heard about his passing. From someone that many of them never even knew, and through Facebook. Lets just say they no longer speak to that person. Unfortunately I think it is a sign of the times and it will get harder and harder to control the message.

Yes, this was it exactly.