Think Your Aging Parents Are Stubborn? Blame 'Mismatched Goals'

[MULTIZ321]

Think Your Aging Parents Are Stubborn? Blame
'Mismatched Goals'


https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/30/health/stubbornness-parents-elderly.html.


Richard

 

[clifffaith]

Excellent article. My parents are a real challenge. Dad wants to use a cane when he should be using a walker. We have stopped offering to bring dinner weekly because when we get there Mom has set the table, poured water and wine and made dessert plans. Then she will NOT sit down and let us serve or do the dishes. Cliff and I had a VSD (very serious discussion) and decided first of all to only plan a bring-in meal once a month unless they ask, and second to stop haranguing her to sit down and get out of the kitchen and let us handle it. Mom has a serious leg infection but refuses to be waited on. Dad of course still expects her to be at his beck and call, and she obliges.

 

[ausman]

I read the article and thought the case of the guy who wanted his potential skin cancers biopsied particularly unbelievable in that the doctor refused to do so.

I would without question drop that doc in a heartbeat. I don't think that is being stubborn, I would fault the doctor on that one.

There was no mention of the patient's prior skin cancer history. If the patient had a history of skin cancers his expertise in the matter could be considerable.

 

[wackymother]

I read the article and thought the case of the guy who wanted his potential skin cancers biopsied particularly unbelievable in that the doctor refused to do so.

I would without question drop that doc in a heartbeat. I don't think that is being stubborn, I would fault the doctor on that one.

There was no mention of the patient's prior skin cancer history. If the patient had a history of skin cancers his expertise in the matter could be considerable.

I had a know-it-all parent who was "fired" by several doctors, and I suspect the article only includes part of the story--possibly that the elderly patient only wanted that ONE spot biopsied, while the doctor wanted to biopsy more than one.

 

[ausman]

Wacky,

I'm sure we have different opinions on a doctor's responsibility to their patients.

Without getting into specific experiences, if a patient wanted something biopsied or even if they didn't I fail to see why a doctor should not do as requested.

 

[wackymother]

Think about a doctor's liability. Cranky old patient says, "Biopsy this one spot." Doctor says, "I want to biopsy ten other spots, but I will do just this one because you are insisting."

Biopsy of cranky old patient's selected spot comes back clear. Cranky old patient then proceeds to develop skin cancer from one of the other ten spots that the doctor wanted to biopsy. Cranky old patient dies. Cranky old patient's family then sues the doctor for failing to biopsy the other ten spots.

 

[isisdave]

But doctor wrote in Cranky's chart: "told pt ten spots should be biopsied, but he refused permission to do so"

 

[HenryT]

Wacky,

I'm sure we have different opinions on a doctor's responsibility to their patients.

Without getting into specific experiences, if a patient wanted something biopsied or even if they didn't I fail to see why a doctor should not do as requested.

The reason is the insurance company won't pay for it if it's not medically necessary. I had arthroscopic knee surgery years ago go repair a torn meniscus. I had pain in that knee last year and went to a doctor about it. Anti Inflammation medication got rid of the immediate pain but I wanted the doctor to order a MRI so he could see how much of my meniscus was left. At the time my insurance covered the cost of an MRI 100%. My thought was that maybe the doctor could recommend some new treatment (meniscus replacement, platelet therapy, etc.) to fix the problem permanently but he refused. His reason was that the insurance company still wouldn't cover a test which was not medically necessary (the medication has solved the immediate problem).