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Are opening gifts at a baby shower a thing of the past ?

AnnaS

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My old fashioned Italian family did not believe in baby showers- especially BEFORE the baby was born. They felt it was bad luck.

So announcements were sent out after birth. Not to mention the moms and aunts would make sure people knew a baby was born. Then the gifts were sent to the baby's home.

And back when......there was no buying/bringing in a crib in the nursery before baby was born.
 

AnnaS

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I'm still peeved that thank you notes were never sent though. That's never going to sit right with me, but getting them after a shower rarely happens anymore. That's part of the reason that my friends and I buy one big gift - why bother choosing something personal if the recipient doesn't even care? I guess the "kids" are attending each other's showers and not getting any thank yous so then when it's their turn, they don't send them either. It's just us old ladies expecting a thank you!

We recently had my daughter's bridal shower (last month). When I asked the woman at the Gallery Shop if we could order Thank You cards to match the bridal shower invitation, she said to me, "you are sending out thank you cards?". I was stunned and asked, what do you mean, are we/she sending out thank you cards. She went on to say that the bride to be does not send out cards anymore. She had a mom and daughter arguing in the shop one day.

Apparently not sending any thank you card is "in" now.....I can't wrap my head around it. I can understand if you have a cute little favor with a thank you note. Perhaps thank everyone again individually on the way out....which one does anyway. I still think it's nice to take the time to do this. People go out of their way to attend and spend a few $, so a thank you card is not too much trouble showing your appreciation. For anyone not attending and sends a gift.........I hope the bride is sending out a thank you card.

Not to make this long. Years ago, I gave my neighbor a "new baby" gift for the grandson. When the baby was one year old, I gave a 1st birthday gift - more for our friendship - I never received a thank you from the mom for both occasions . When her second son was born a year after that 1st birthday - I did not go out of my way to give a gift.

Both my dil's did not want a baby shower. Not into parties and don't care about being the center of attention. They registered. Immediate family/friends sent a gift at home. Thank you cards were sent out immediately after.

The clean wrap on a table is nice - people can browse them if they wish.

I think it's nice the gifts are opened. People can choose to "look" or talk to each other. If a party is a few hours, opening them does not take up too much time especially for a small party. Clear wrap for a large party.

There is no right or wrong anymore. I find that anything goes these days......as long as the person the party is for is "happy"......not much concern for the guests. Who makes up all these rules/new rules anyway? Follow your heart......and don't let busy/laziness or someone else's rules get in the way.

If you have a few people, I can see someone opening the gift as the guest hands it to them personally. No need to display them in the end........but really - it's your circle of people and and it should not be a problem regardless of someone's personality.

Just my opinion :)
 
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Serina

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I’m very surprised to hear that thank you notes aren’t expected to be written for shower gifts. In fact, I’ve been surprised at how many wedding gifts I’ve sent (unable to attend the wedding) and not received a thank you note. Is that ‘the norm’ now too?
 

AnnaS

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I have always received wedding thank you cards. They do take quiet a while to receive since the couple usually has to wait for the photographer to be done with the proofs. The couple then orders the "one or few" they like for the thank you cards. It can take a few months.
 

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I live in a small rural community and showers around here are very large. A recent trend (and one that I think is great) is that the bride-to-be makes an announcement at the time she is thanking everyone for attending (and usually has tent cards with the same message placed around in strategic locations) noting that thank you cards will not be sent but instead a donation is being made to xxxxx charity.
 

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I went to a baby shower 2 weeks ago. About 70 people in attendance. Gifts were opened at the end... for those who stuck around thru the end to ooh and aah over. I received a thank you card earlier this week.

A couple things that differed from 'back in MY day' (1) lots of men were there. I remember when baby showers were attended by ladies and maybe the dad. (2) it was in a rented hall - I'm guessing because of the number of guests. Back in MY day, baby showers were held in living rooms.
 

Luanne

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I’m very surprised to hear that thank you notes aren’t expected to be written for shower gifts. In fact, I’ve been surprised at how many wedding gifts I’ve sent (unable to attend the wedding) and not received a thank you note. Is that ‘the norm’ now too?
I keep thinking I've gotten over this, but obviously I haven't. My only sister's only child (son) got married 10 years ago. First I didn't get an invitation. I mean, I knew I was invited, but still? My mom told me I could go as her guest, lol. My sister thinks there was a mix up with the list for invitations and our name may have gotten cut off. Whatever. I never got one, but went anyway. We gave our nephew and his wife a nice check to cover a rental car for their honeymoon on the Big Island (this after my sister insisting they didn't need a car as there was "so much" to do where they were staying). I got a verbal thank you, but nothing else. I am of the generation, and was raised that you DO write thank you notes, even if you have thanked the person face to face.
 

wackymother

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I keep thinking I've gotten over this, but obviously I haven't. My only sister's only child (son) got married 10 years ago. First I didn't get an invitation. I mean, I knew I was invited, but still? My mom told me I could go as her guest, lol. My sister thinks there was a mix up with the list for invitations and our name may have gotten cut off. Whatever. I never got one, but went anyway. We gave our nephew and his wife a nice check to cover a rental car for their honeymoon on the Big Island (this after my sister insisting they didn't need a car as there was "so much" to do where they were staying). I got a verbal thank you, but nothing else. I am of the generation, and was raised that you DO write thank you notes, even if you have thanked the person face to face.

Our daughter got married this summer, and you will be pleased to learn that not only is she sending thank-you cards, she is designing and drawing PERSONALIZED cards for every gift-giver. My cousins have a pet parrot; he is on their card. Personally I think it's overkill, but she's enjoying it!
 

SueDonJ

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My daughter-in-law is made very uncomfortable by opening gifts in a shower setting but she did it for her wedding and baby showers because she knew the guests wanted it. I wish I had known about the clear-wrap option because that would have worked for everybody! There are still quite a few twenty-somethings in the family with these things ahead of them and I'll remember this as a suggestion. :)

As for written thank-you cards? I'd have been disappointed if she and my daughter hadn't sent them, and I'm old-fashioned enough to notice when people don't do them.
 

klpca

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I read a Facebook post where one young woman challenged an older woman, asking her if the only reason that she was giving a gift was to get a thank you card. So rude!

I'll say this, showers (and weddings for that matter) are much more elaborate than when I was younger so maybe the brides/new moms think that there was plenty done for the guests already. But the expectations for the gifts are higher than when I was younger too. I expected and received little outfits. Now the gift registry (also not a thing when I was having babies) lists some very expensive items. We had to save up for a high chair with our first because we didn't get one as a gift! It took us 4 months, lolol.

My friends and I (the 6 "aunties") hosted a bridal shower for a friend's daughter. The out of pocket for each of us was $200ish plus a gift. And you guessed it, no thank you. Not for the shower, not for the gift, and of course not for the wedding gift. I'm sorry, I don't care what planet you are from, that is rude. It was a ton of work and took two days for set up and another day of clean up. So maybe it's the new trend, but someday the shoe will be on the other foot and these women will understand. Writing a thank you card won't kill you and it's the least you can do to recognize the personal effort that someone went to to make your day special.

Btw, if I'm not doing a group gift I just do a package of baby diapers and a gift card. I wrap it in a homemade blanket and call it a day. So much easier and it doesn't bother me much if I don't get a thank you. Weddings are just checks these days. At least I'll know that they received it when the check is cashed.
 

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Bridal or baby registry should/normally has a wide range of prices. The very immediate family - aunts, sister-in-laws "usually" will spend a few dollars more. Nieces, friends, mom's friends.....might spend less = but regardless of the relationship, there will be items as low as $5.99 (people add these items up to make baskets) and items as much as $300. Someone might also combine an expensive gift - two friends, a mom and daughter, etc.
 

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About the big-ticket items on registries? I have a huge family, 10 siblings on my side and 6 on Don's, all with various spouses, with 40+ in the next generation and a few of those beginning their young families. We tell everyone to include big-ticket items on their registries expecting that IF they're given as gifts it will be from a group who decide to go in together. That option has worked out pretty good for us aunties who make a night out of shopping/dinner together. :)
 

Patri

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Our daughter got married this summer, and you will be pleased to learn that not only is she sending thank-you cards, she is designing and drawing PERSONALIZED cards for every gift-giver. My cousins have a pet parrot; he is on their card. Personally I think it's overkill, but she's enjoying it!
Lucky you. My son and DIL got married in June. They have not sent any thank yous. I have asked several times, and said I expect them to do so at least for anyone invited from our side. Relatives drove 2 days, or flew across country, stayed in hotels, and gave nice gifts. They deserve a written note. Her family is from around here so not such a big deal. But I think it is selfish and lazy not to take an afternoon and write out the cards. My son is as guilty as my DIL. I am disappointed in them.
 

Luanne

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Our daughter got married this summer, and you will be pleased to learn that not only is she sending thank-you cards, she is designing and drawing PERSONALIZED cards for every gift-giver. My cousins have a pet parrot; he is on their card. Personally I think it's overkill, but she's enjoying it!
Dh and I went to a Chinese wedding feast some years back. The couple hadn't gotten married yet, but that's beside the point. During the dinner they went around and had their picture taken with everyone there. Their thank you note included the picture of them with us. I thought that was very nice.
 

Luanne

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Lucky you. My son and DIL got married in June. They have not sent any thank yous. I have asked several times, and said I expect them to do so at least for anyone invited from our side. Relatives drove 2 days, or flew across country, stayed in hotels, and gave nice gifts. They deserve a written note. Her family is from around here so not such a big deal. But I think it is selfish and lazy not to take an afternoon and write out the cards. My son is as guilty as my DIL. I am disappointed in them.
I don't think it matters the distance traveled. Everyone should get a thank you note.
 

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I'm in the camp that thank yous should be sent. I went to two niece's baby showers this summer and spent hours picking out the gifts, wrapping them and then driving several hours to attend the shower. Taking five minutes to write a thank-you shouldn't be too much to ask. One niece had envelopes laying on the table and guests were asked to write their names and addresses on the envelopes. The envelopes were then put in a basket and several names were drawn for gifts. But, then, the parents-to-be had the envelopes written out and knew the addresses were correct. I thought that was genius! Another thoughtful thing they did was to ask guests to bring a book for the baby (signed by the gifter) in lieu of a card.
 

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Perhaps she is an introvert (I know I am) but your other point IS the real point imo. Unless I am mistaken, a baby shower is about the new mother and her child. I'm appalled at others suggesting their feelings/needs supercede hers! No tradition states the mother must satisfy her guests desires. As hostess the invitation you send could include a line stating 'gift opening will be done in private'. That way invitees won't be surprised, and if they want, can chose not to attend. I also like the suggestion someone made of letting the mom-to-be know her gma is making a very special 'family heirloom'. If presented compassionately, the tradition (which btw dates back only to postwar 1950's) of viewing useful or beautiful things thoughtfully created or selected for her child, may give her a new perspective on the event. Maybe her gma felt the same way when she was a first-time-mother... maybe someone could share their story with her.

My guess is that she is an introvert. As an introvert, I am not comfortable in a social group environment, let alone being the center of it. Since it is about her, just go along with what she wants. It is not about the time but about how she feels.
 

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One niece had envelopes laying on the table and guests were asked to write their names and addresses on the envelopes. The envelopes were then put in a basket and several names were drawn for gifts. But, then, the parents-to-be had the envelopes written out and knew the addresses were correct. I thought that was genius! Another thoughtful thing they did was to ask guests to bring a book for the baby (signed by the gifter) in lieu of a card.
Thank you for sharing - these are great ideas! I just offered to host a baby shower so this thread caught my eye. I think it is a balance between creating an appealing atmosphere for guests while remembering who the guest of honor is and why she is there. And I totally agree - sending thank you notes is always good etiquette. I read an Emily Post-type website that said one MUST send ty's even if guests were thanked as they left the shower. (just goes to show how completely unreliable the www is!)
 
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jackio

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Gift registries are so great for the bride or mother-to-be, but it depersonalizes gift giving for me. I used to put a lot of thought into a gift. Now I look down the price column, find one item in my price range, and get it. No personal thought at all. It's kind of sad.
I have a group of longtime friends, and we go in on shower gifts almost all the time. Again, go down the list and pick out item(s) by price.

I agree with everyone that thank yous are a must.
 

klpca

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FWIW, my introverted daughter & SIL had a private wedding in the middle of Sept and a large (250+) party/reception a month later. She was horrified to set up a registry but people kept asking, and she had to update it twice to add things. But her thank you notes were done in two weeks; even I was shocked. Thank goodness that I didn't have to eat crow.

Are any of you having to attend multiple showers? In my circle there are also grandma showers and "sip-and-see's" (after the baby is born). It's totally out of control, imho. I've had to say no to some, others I can't get out of attending (held at the end of our bunco games for example). I'm truly excited for my friends, but apparently not enough to keep buying gifts. ;)
 

klpca

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I'm in the camp that thank yous should be sent. I went to two niece's baby showers this summer and spent hours picking out the gifts, wrapping them and then driving several hours to attend the shower. Taking five minutes to write a thank-you shouldn't be too much to ask. One niece had envelopes laying on the table and guests were asked to write their names and addresses on the envelopes. The envelopes were then put in a basket and several names were drawn for gifts. But, then, the parents-to-be had the envelopes written out and knew the addresses were correct. I thought that was genius! Another thoughtful thing they did was to ask guests to bring a book for the baby (signed by the gifter) in lieu of a card.
I've been to a couple of showers where we address our own envelopes and thank yous still weren't sent. That still makes me laugh, lol. You are half way there!

Btw, thanks for letting me vent. For obvious reasons I can't vent about this over coffee with my friends. :D
 

wackymother

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Perhaps she is an introvert (I know I am) but your other point IS the real point imo. Unless I am mistaken, a baby shower is about the new mother and her child. I'm appalled at others suggesting their feelings/needs supercede hers! No tradition states the mother must satisfy her guests desires. As hostess the invitation you send could include a line stating 'gift opening will be done in private'. That way invitees won't be surprised, and if they want, can chose not to attend. I also like the suggestion someone made of letting the mom-to-be know her gma is making a very special 'family heirloom'. If presented compassionately, the tradition (which btw dates back only to postwar 1950's) of viewing useful or beautiful things thoughtfully created or selected for her child, may give her a new perspective on the event. Maybe her gma felt the same way when she was a first-time-mother... maybe someone could share their story with her.


So if she's a total introvert, don't have a baby shower. Many people don't enjoy parties. Many people don't enjoy parties where they are the center of attention. No one should be forced to have a baby shower thrown in their honor.
 

Patri

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I don't think it matters the distance traveled. Everyone should get a thank you note.
Oh, I totally agree. But if the bride and her family for some reason think thank-yous are not important, I at least want our side acknowledged. I told my son he could do it, too, not just DIL. But I have spoken to them a couple times and just give up. Now a baby is on the way, and I suppose there will be showers. I will not add any of my friends to the guest list. They are not simply gift dispensers.
 

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Some couples will do everything via electronically media.
 

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Another "new one" for me.....asked to help with the wedding shower (there were actually 2, one with a church group and one with a group of friends) - I was asked to help with both (bring food, along with my gift and a decoration for the room) - While I did receive a thank you card for both occasions (and I appreciate this) I did NOT receive an invitation to the wedding (I was hurt) - honestly I would have declined the invitation to "help" and attend the shower had I known I was not close enough to be included for the wedding & reception (it was NOT private/family only).
 
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