Original poster here. Apparently people have a lot of strong feeling about this ! It seems to be more of generational thing, I have been reading a lot on line about this topic. And the trend seems to be to not open gifts. Not that I, and apparently most of my fellow Tuggers agree with this.
I think that might be OK when all the attendees are old friends from school the same age, who have a lot to catch up on and just want to talk. More like a girl's night out. Not the case with older people.
I will have three diverse groups of people at this small shower. The extended families of the mother and father-to-be, and friends of one of the grandmothers. Someone else is giving them a friends couples shower. (I was asked if I wanted to combine and co-host the two showers and I said NO, which I am patting myself on the back for speaking up). What am I suppose to fill the time with? To me, the opening of the gifts is suppose to be the main event of the shower. These 3 groups do not know each other well. So more games for me to plan, which will need more prizes for me to purchase, more food I guess. I am not a huge fan of games, but will have some just to fill the time.
I am going to go along with the expectant mother's wishes because I do not want to create a fuss. Both expectant parents are only children, and can do absolutely no wrong in my sister-in-law's eyes. To be honest, I am giving the shower more for her sake, as she gave bridal showers for both my girls. And yes, they did open the gifts at the showers, and write thank you notes.