Actually from things that happened while Patti was there for the 3 weeks in September we are pretty sure she is having a major depressive episode. She would tell the children directly that she regretted having them. How do we tell our son that his wife is having major mental issues? We were hoping her Mother (came for several weeks after Patti on FMLA from her work) would notice and speak to her daughter about seeing a Doctor.
Patti and I went to WINCO and bought a full turkey breasts, ingredients for Dressing and green bean casserole, and a pumpkin pie. We already had sweet potatoes as we like them baked.
I think you have to rip the bandaid off, he may know but not want to face it, think he can fix it, wait it out, etc. Don't hint around. Ask, tell, have a tough conversation. He may feel disloyal to her for talking behind her back or he may be relieved that someone else sees what he sees. I'm sure he is front lines bewildered, like a hole got blown in his world and torn between, crap, this is my life now and what is this and what can I do about it.
do it by phone, not text. "Son, we're worried about Debra. Has she seen anyone about the possibility of post-partum depression? She does not at all seem like herself, and we're concerned. " It's my wildcard guess, worth looking up symptoms to see if any fit. It's medical, nothing to do with her toughness, character, etc., and I think that's important to point out to him. If she's ill, she needs to see someone. Saying such things to or about her children amps up the alarm, it's not normal, not for a new mother that was otherwise healthy and looking forward to parenthood. post partum is pretty common, I'd be wondering if she has been seeing/being honest with her doctor, or if she has been honest and dismissed (happens way too much, way too often to women, in particular). I heard a lot of "you'll be fine" when I clearly was not fine and in fact in great distress. Son should not stop until he gets someone to listen, Something Is Wrong With My Wife.
It won't just pass. And could get much worse. I don't know if these things are sudden switches or if it comes on over time, but he could be too close to the situation to see it objectively, maybe saw a slide over time, and he may think "it's just stress". Extreme stress for prolonged time can have bad results. He may need to resort to "do it for me" because she may be in a self-hating fog or resentful for what has happened to her since this pregnancy. Most anyone ill wants to get better, but with mental illness, logic and reasoning don't always come along for the ride. She may have wanted you to leave before you figured out she wasn't ok. Hard to know. I've had people close to me with chronic anxiety, bi-polar, and head injuries. When things don't add up in how a person is behaving, something is wrong. The lies strike me as the down cycle of bi-polar, or head injury.
I hope he doesn't have to trick her, but if it's going to come to that, he should call ahead to where he is taking her so they know to look for them and his ruse. She could get combative. This is one of those big life challenges where he has to be strong for his entire family; it is going to be very difficult on him, but a path away from whatever horror home life has been. She is key to his happiness, he likely swore to stand by her in sickness and health. He's being called on that one right now. He can get her back, but he's got to be the one to lead the way. He may have to see her in even greater distress, he may see her tied down in a bed. She may scream horrendous things at him.
This is hard. But waiting isn't an option, thing get worse without treatment. She could be on her way to wellness very quickly after being evaluated, but he's going to be the chief treatment vetter, a difficult jargon-filled role, but he can do it. Because he has to.
Best to all of you. The lady is fortunate to have people that care about her. Maybe she can't be thankful for that right now, so I'll do it for her - thank you for being in her life and being the ones responsible for creating her husband, the one that loves her like no other.
