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...This Is What No One Tells You About Starting a New Life Abroad

Discussion in 'Vacation Travel Information' started by MULTIZ321, Oct 4, 2018.

  1. Sugarcubesea

    Sugarcubesea TUG Member

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    I'm planning on moving to FL when I retire, partly to save money, because if I stay in MI, my pension and SS are taxed and our property tax's are high. I can not stand winter, it gets me depressed. As I age, it gets harder to navigate the snow and to shovel or snow blow it. I have family in FL and other family that will be retiring down to FL. I have 3 kids and one grandson, they are currently in MI, but they are all still very young.

    However I have 8 years till 65 when I can retire to take medicare coverage, so things might change from then to now...One thing I know for sure is that I will move to a location that is warm as the winter's in MI have been brutal for me...
     
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  2. Sugarcubesea

    Sugarcubesea TUG Member

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    That same thing happened to my grandfather, he waited to travel till he retired, he retired on a Friday and was dead the following Monday. Never got one pension or SS check...
     
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  3. vacationhopeful

    vacationhopeful TUG Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

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    My WI grandfather worked on an assembly line building "Nash" cars. Dropped dead 3 months after retiring at age 65 on his garage floor ... his wife lived another 30+ years.

    My materal grandmother did marry his California brother-in-law (a widower) a year or so later ... having to give up her deceased husband's Nash automoblile company penison. His brother established a 'trust' - funded to match the 'lost pension'. He died 3 years later ... that grandmother lived a decent life in her own apartment back in WI and travelled yearly to visit us in NJ during the 6 weeks of really COLD winter weather Or as my mother said .. it gave her WI sister a winter break from Mom. But was torture for my Dad.

    My mother put up with my Dad's mother almost daily ... living just 1/2 mile away. And growing up, she suppied most of our (raw) milk and eggs from their farm.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
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  4. Panina

    Panina TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    I so understand how difficult it is for you. Your mom is better off then mine. My mom has no long term care policy and really no close friends but refuses to move. Offered all, move in with me, try moving into senior community, move to assisted living, get help ( likes no one). Ultimately wants me to move back because it is what I am suppose to do. She did not take care of her mom, her sister in law did, who was supposedly no good. My sis lives within 45 minutes of her, does nothing. I take care of everything and travel every few weeks to visit. Gets tiring and never good enough. I always get one day you will feel guilty.

    I decided will deal with everything as it happens. I meet all her needs and not all her wants. I can only do my best as you can. I learned from my dads illness, he passed last year, that it is impossible to do 100% and keep yourself healthy physically and mentally.

    My parents lived their lives the way they wanted. We need to do that too. As she ages I do help the best I can and have compassion but realize uprooting my life to make her happy will last all of five minutes. All my offers for mom that she refuses gives me the peace I will need.
     
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  5. sts1732

    sts1732 TUG Member

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    I also was in the same circumstances as you several yrs. back. My mother out lived my father by more than 20 yrs. She was 92 when she pasted. IN the last 2 1/2 yrs. she was in ass. living, my mother was deaf most of her life, and legally blind in that she could only make out shapes but most signs in using sign language.
    When we had to put her in ass. living, I drove 135 miles round trip every sat.(plus more when needed) and she came to expect it. To my surprise when talking to her one sat. SHE told me I needed a vacation.....o_O As my wife was also understanding in my sat. trips, this was a god send. In that in feeling bad because I wouldn't see my mom, I knew she understood and would relish all the interesting things we had done while on vacation. No matter how she felt because I wouldn't be there, she looked forward to my coming back. I guess that's what a MOM does......Good luck and spirits as you continue on....;)
     
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  6. Glynda

    Glynda TUG Member

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    Only child. Adopted at birth in FL. My dad was 20 years older than my mother. He died when I was 28. He had prepared financially for her. Mother re-married about 15 years later. My step-father was also older and financially in good shape. Before he was even sick, while visiting us alone in SC, she asked us if she should take out a long term care policy. My husband, without discussion, told her no; that we would always take care of her. I suspect by asking she had hoped for that answer. Mother was a bit of a "Mommy Dearest" when I was growing up and I admit to still sometimes having that pit in my stomach feeling, resentment, from childhood even though she has acknowledged her behavior and asked for forgiveness. She is an amazing woman who has been far more active, hard-working and helpful to others than I have been in adulthood. 5 years after my step-father passed away, she sold her home and moved in with us in SC, never having lived anywhere but FL. At the same time, my husband retired and I had both of them full time. Mother has had a hard time adjusting to our kind of city life where most of our neighbors have more homes and are only here a few months a year. She has missed having full time neighbors and her old friends (She has outlived all but 2 in FL). Perhaps she might have been happier in assisted living in FL but with her very active lifestyle, loving to garden and cook more than anything, I couldn't see her there nor could I have been there when needed. And there was that question and promise years before. My husband is wonderful to her, a huge help, and she has done so much for us. She will be 97 in 4 months and is in the kitchen right now preparing our supper. Only quite recently have I had to help her more with dressing, medicine, finances and cooking.

    We too dreamed of traveling, perhaps for long lengths of time overseas, when DH retired. We have done some traveling by taking Mother to my cousin and/or a younger friend in FL who like to have her for a couple of weeks at a time. I'm not sure that Mother will be able to stay with either of them in the future, however. Mother has always been afraid to be alone at night so that cuts down on our even going out after dark and our only child, who lives 20 minutes from us with her husband and our granddaughter, rarely calls or visits unless she wants something. She spent so much time with her grandmother growing up and both adored each other. She knows that she will receive the bulk of my mother's inheritance and our's. Yet she has never taken Mother out for even part of a day, much less offered for her to stay with them so we can get away. We have asked her occasionally to spend 1 or 2 nights here with Mother when there was something important and we had to be away. She works near our house, and our granddaughter goes to school nearby, so it's not a huge inconvenience for them. She begrudgingly agreed for perhaps a total of 5 nights over the last 7 years. All to say that we know we can't count on her to do much of anything for us when we need someone and yes, it hurts. Obviously, we spoiled her to the point she thinks we are here for her but not vice versa. We do have long term care policies. Hopefully, we will be financially good until our deaths. But one never knows.

    I join the list who say to travel while you are younger; as often as you can. The conundrum for most people is how to do so and also be there for family as well as financially prepared for old age. I don't want to lose my mother. I feel guilty if I even think of the future without her. I hope we will lock the doors and travel. Already, at 71and 70, it will be with reduced mobility and strength to do some of what, and go where, we dreamed of. Gosh, I feel as if I have just had a session with my TUG psychologists! :)
     
    mpumilia, Anne&Jim, klpca and 4 others like this.
  7. silentg

    silentg TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    You seemed so young to go in a CCRC? Are you able to go out? I am almost the age you were when you went into CCRC. I can’t imagine moving into a place like that while I’m still able to care for myself. Still enjoy being with my family. I’m not a burden to them and we enjoy each other’s company. My DH and I do things on our own and so do my DD DS and SIL. We mostly get together for holidays but just got back from visiting DS and GF. Lots of fun.
    Silentg
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2018
  8. silentg

    silentg TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    It’s very difficult to care for aging parents. It is roll reversal, you become the adult they are the child. But looking at it from their perspective, it’s very frightening to them and that is why they lash out. It’s also difficult to get siblings to see the situation thru your eyes. They may think your mother is “just fine” on her own and they fight the idea of 24 hour care. We went thru that with both parents and everyone has a different idea of what is best.
    My husband is dealing with his aging mother now. We had to fight for 24 hour care for her, as BIL insisted he could do it on his own. Finding her on the floor a few times convinced him to get 24 hour care. He has the most responsibility as he chose to do everything. We don’t live close but DH does his best and we visit when we can.
    We are traveling though, and BiL and wife are starting to also. She also has her Father to care for.
    With no help from her siblings.
    This is part of life, still miss my parents, we were so close when younger. It’s tough to get old.
    Silentg
     
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  9. bogey21

    bogey21 TUG Member

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    Many don't understand that "Independent Living" is one of the levels of living in a CCRC. What is "Independent Living"? Quite simply it is like living in any condominium. You come and go as you please. If you want to spend a couple of nights at your kids house or 2 or 3 weeks in Florida. all you do is change the marker outside your door to indicate that you are gone. That let's Security know they don't have to check on you...

    Moving into a CCRC at a young age has its advantages. First, you are amortizing the front end fee over more years. Second, you no longer have a need (or pay premiums) for Long Term Care Insurance. And Third, a portion of your monthly fee is deductible on your FIT Return. And truth be known if you pick the right CCRC your monthly fee is not much more than paying rent for a nice condo when you take into account that your CCRC monthly fee includes meals, taxes, cleaning, maintenance and utilities...

    George
     
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  10. jehb2

    jehb2 TUG Member

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    It took ten years for us to convince my mom to move out of her home. of course what really changed her mind was she developed a bat problem in her house. She moved to a senior high rise. She absolutely loves it. We all love it. My kids thought it was a timeshare.

    I’m part of the sandwich generation. My husband and I have elderly but active parents and we have our young kids. Luckily for us we both have siblings to help out and social worker sisters on both sides on the family.

    I know it’s good to have a doctor or lawyer in the family but i’ll take a good social worker over both any day.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2018
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