Vacations with adult children/blended families?

[elaine]

so they have had a trip together before-that's great. sound like a drive-to destination is what you need, so that some can come for just a few days and not have to commit to a whole week. It's tough for some, who may have 2 weeks of vacation, and have to use a few days over the year in hourly increments for repairmen, school or social events, etc., which leaves them with 1 week and a few days of vacation--add traveling to see the other in-laws and that knocks off another day or two. Then no time for any other trips.
Maybe another beach venue? Delaware? or Poconos, as you suggested, which are close to everyone. Good luck! come back and update on what happens.

 

[bluehende]

so they have had a trip together before-that's great. sound like a drive-to destination is what you need, so that some can come for just a few days and not have to commit to a whole week. It's tough for some, who may have 2 weeks of vacation, and have to use a few days over the year in hourly increments for repairmen, school or social events, etc., which leaves them with 1 week and a few days of vacation--add traveling to see the other in-laws and that knocks off another day or two. Then no time for any other trips.
Maybe another beach venue? Delaware? or Poconos, as you suggested, which are close to everyone. Good luck! come back and update on what happens.

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We had a place a few miles back from Bethany Beach De. That would be a great destination from june to sep if you need entertainment. It is also great at other times if you want to just chill and hang out. There are many options available. A big house on the beach would be fantastic but also pricey. If you think disney is expensive (shout out to another thread) price out a 7 bedroom beautiful house on the beach during summer. There are nice rentals back a piece that can be had cheaper. Never cheap any more but not too bad. If the OP wants more detailed info on this area PM me.

 

[Patri]

We are in the phase of life that our kids/nieces/nephews are getting married, so that sets a big event every year or two. Everyone is spread out across the country. As many come as have time off and the money. It is a priority with enough advance notice, so much fun and keeps the generations connected. Beyond that, it is hard to plan a family vacation with just our children/grands, for instance, because they each have their own ideas of where they want to go and when they can. They work around sports schedules etc. It's tough to get everyone together, but so very valuable. So for now, it is weddings. And the next one is in June.

 

[klpca]

Well I am back from the "birthday weekend". I tried, I really did, but forcing people whose relationship is one of comfortable politeness to stay under one roof for an extended time is exhausting. We had different interests (TV watchers/outdoorsy folks), different sleeping schedules (night owls, earlybirds), different eating styles (vegetarians/meat eaters) etc so it was 60 hours of repeated compromises - for everyone I am sure. My mom loved it and wants to do this a couple of times each year. Ugh, nope. (I got to sleep in the bunk beds that were located in what clearly used to be a closet so I am sure that this is just one of the things that made my fun level different from those whose rooms looked at the ocean, although the decorator in me thought that the owner had missed an opportunity here - they should have done a complete Harry Potter themed room and made it the closet/bedroom under the stairs - that would have been awesome!). This was hard enough with my own siblings - I can't imagine it with a blended family, to be honest.

For the record, my mom was married twice and my dad *four* times, so I have some real life experiences with spending time with blended families. I am still on friendly terms with all of them, but doing a trip with any of them would have really been a push. OP - only you and your husband can truly judge how everyone will get along. I would suggest two long weekends with each family separately. If you want to do a joint event, maybe just a nice dinner instead.

 

[geekette]

My husband and I each have 2 adult children. All but one of the adult children have significant others. My daughter has a husband and my grandson In 2020 DH and I both are having "big" birthdays (his is bigger) My birthday is in July - his is in August. I would really like to do something during the summer to have a celebration, a weekend or short vacation together. We are in New Jersey, kids are in Philadelphia, Washington and Pittsburgh. My husband is not thrilled about this idea, he does not like obligating the kids to "attend" a family vacation. We have been together 6 years, our kids were grown and out of the house - so they are really just acquainted with each other. I am curious if anyone has any advice - all ideas are welcomed.

There is no obligation to attend, right? I greatly appreciate your husband's concern for the feelings of "the children" but I would suggest it is up to them whether or not to go. If any have financial barriers, then that is something to consider, and nobody should feel they "have to" go if it puts them in dollar distress.

I think it is a wonderful idea to get to know everyone better. Not sure if Washington is state or DC, as it seems everyone is situated east coast making it easy to find a suitable location.

Frankly, if you want a birthday celebration, go right on and plan it. Anyone that attends will be happy they did and those that didn't go will wish they had. The easier it is for all to travel inexpensively to that location, the larger your turnout, the less likely they would be to be no show at a parent's birthday celebration. BUT, don't expect anyone to be able to determine their 2020 plans yet. Nobody but the diehard timesharers do that. Book what you would need best case and prepare to cancel or rent out what is unneeded when you have a final count in a year and some months.

 

[geekette]

My wife has 4 siblings. I tried quite a few years ago to get a family reunion at a resort area a couple hours away. Any week we could get the most with a 6 to 9 month window was doable. I was willing to provide all accommodations for up to 25 people if everyone attended. I detailed the activities possible in the area and even was willing to do a backpacking night with the kids if they wanted. I never received one reply. Now every once in a while a sibling will bring up to me about a big vacation somewhere. My response is always "Set it up and we will certainly be willing to go". Of course that is as far as it goes. I already spent a lot of time setting up this and no one even gave me the courtesy of a reply.

Moral is. Don't expect a lot of commitment unless you are lucky.

insensitive clods. I am with you on Never Again.

I had a very successful 14 person trip to Cabo a few years back. I made it clear that while we were travelling together and staying together (2 rented houses side by side), it was YOUR vacation, do as you please. I frankly feel that we were very lucky that all on that trip were super go-with-the-flow people. I would travel with them again.

But I would not ever pose a vacation scenario ever again to anyone that Said Nothing to any previous pitch. I am not a travel agent, I'm not interested in planning something for rude people with no appreciation for time and effort that others spend.

 

[Jan M.]

When my husband's niece got married our gift to them was a week at one our of timeshare locations. When her brother got married two years later we gave him a check and gave the niece a check too with our apologies that we hadn't been able to arrange a vacation for her and her husband. It wasn't like I hadn't tried, repeatedly. Apparently it was too much work to look through the directory or go online, look at the map of Wyndham resorts and check out the resorts that interested her. During this time we saw posts and pictures on Facebook of their vacations and upcoming plans. The one that really infuriated my husband was their trip to Vegas with two other couples. Each couple booked their own room at MGM and the stay included a full weekend. When we saw the dates we looked online to see what the stays cost them. And yes both Grand Desert and Desert Blue stays were available but she couldn't even be bothered to call, text or email me to ask if I could get them something. So each couple spent that much when they could all have stayed for free! My husband said something to his sister the next time he saw her and got an I know but what can you do response.

On my final attempt she wanted me to email her all the resort and unit details along with pictures of all the resorts in 6 different areas, most with more than one resort in the area, with a variety of dates she thought they might like to go. Btw her mother had a directory and this niece still had it from when she borrowed it from her mother. Plus she has seen the pictures from when her mother stayed at Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach in a 3 bedroom unit and Grand Desert in Las Vegas in a two bedroom unit on us so she knows the resorts are nice and what the units look like. When we gave her the check in a card at her brother's wedding she thanked us saying they couldn't afford to take the vacation that was to be our wedding gift to them because they were saving for a house. My husband was literally speechless for which I was unbelievably grateful. When we were far enough away my husband asked how much we had given her and when I told him said I was much more generous than he would have been. I made him feel better by reminding him of how much they had paid for just one weekend night of their 5 night stay in Vegas that included two weekend nights.

 

[mjm1]

Enjoyed reading the posts so far and appreciate the different perspectives and experiences.

We have two grown kids, one in Texas and one in California. Our son is married with no kids and our daughter is getting remarried to a nice guy who have two teenagers. We have spoken with everyone about going to Ko Olina in June 2020 after the teenagers are out of school. We will provide the rooms and everyone pays their own airfare. We figure we will eat meals in part of the time and then everyone can cover their own meals out, as well as activities. So far, everyone is onboard and hopefully it all works out. We haven’t gone on a vacation together in many years, so it should be a fun time. But, we will see how it goes. We figure at least we are trying to get everyone together in a fun location. It’s up to them to participate or not.

Best regards.

Mike

 

[b2bailey]

Well I am back from the "birthday weekend". I tried, I really did, but forcing lpeople whose relationship is one of comfortable politeness to stay under one roof for an extended time is exhausting. We had different interests (TV watchers/outdoorsy folks), different sleeping schedules (night owls, earlybirds), different eating styles (vegetarians/meat eaters) etc so it was 60 hours of repeated compromises - for everyone I am sure. My mom loved it and wants to do this a couple of times each year. Ugh, nope. (I got to sleep in the bunk beds that were located in what clearly used to be a closet so I am sure that this is just one of the things that made my fun level different from those whose rooms looked at the ocean, although the decorator in me thought that the owner had missed an opportunity here - they should have done a complete Harry Potter themed room and made it the closet/bedroom under the stairs - that would have been awesome!). This was hard enough with my own siblings - I can't imagine it with a blended family, to be honest.

For the record, my mom was married twice and my dad *four* times, so I have some real life experiences with spending time with blended families. I am still on friendly terms with all of them, but doing a trip with any of them would have really been a push. OP - only you and your husband can truly judge how everyone will get along. I would suggest two long weekends with each family separately. If you want to do a joint event, maybe just a nice dinner instead.

Congrats to you for enduring. Most important was your mom was pleased with the outcome. That's why you did it, right?

 

[mdurette]

Personally - I think the key in group trips is everyone has their own accommodations and there is no expectations of spending every waking hour with the other people on the trip.

IMO, cruising is the easiest way to deal with groups. Everyone does what they want during the day (sometimes together, sometimes not) but we all meet up for dinner.

 

[lauramiddl]

Personally - I think the key in group trips is everyone has their own accommodations and there is no expectations of spending every waking hour with the other people on the trip.

IMO, cruising is the easiest way to deal with groups. Everyone does what they want during the day (sometimes together, sometimes not) but we all meet up for dinner.

+1 We just returned from a multi-generation New Years cruise on Holland America. There were nine of us, ages 13 to 79. Some good family time, and also some very-needed alone time.

Sharing a rented house can be stressful for groups that are not used to traveling together (i.e. may not be compatible). We recently did this with my husband's family, and it was not as pleasant an experience